Unite to Stop Night Fright!

writestuffStarred Page By writestuff, 17th Sep 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Join the Movement an URGENT International Plea for Help!

This Is Not Rocket Science

Long, long ago in a small village unaccustomed to ghoulishness the citizenry began to experience a sequence of strange events.Town folks became increasingly concerned as this was not the norm for this sleepy-eyed town snuggled amid the mountains. Too many bad things had began happening to good people. Many unsuspecting young people came under attack. 90% of these victims were beautiful, virgin damsels. It was generally believed all had been charmed by a soft-spoken, wicked-eyed European count. Aside from the occasional ominous howling of wolves, the small village on the outskirts of Transylvania had always been considered tranquil. So, out came buds of garlic, crucifixes, uncovered mirrors, wooden stakes and fast horse-drawn carriages driven by frightened peasants. Bewildered citizens and grief-stricken family members soon took matters into their own hands. With righteous indignation these law bidding citizens gathered and stormed the suspect's castle. Following a quick search they found the engaging conversationalist napping after returning from another of his pre-dawn frequent flyer trips. The suspect, a de-aged, debonair gentleman was brutally stabbed in his sleep. But, alas then as now there is no sleep for the weary. Noir aficionados all concur that this nefarious seductive, ancient slayer of dreams was eternal and could appeared in various forms. Moreover, this entity was know to move with impunity from land to land.


Centuries later in the United States of America urban lore records that slowly, but surely bad thing also began happening to good people. Quaint seaside cottages, Ivy-league college dorms, shabby shotgun homes, as well as swank urban high rises all came under attack. The wild, wild west was thought to be the epic center. This time, unsuspecting lonely spinsters were slickered into allowing a smooth-talking, suitcase-carrying, traveling dandy with swag to enter their humble abodes. Thus, began many restless nights through out the country. Unfortunately, many naïve house guest were also subject to these same vicious attacks. Of course, this meant WAR. However, thanks to the wonders of scientific initiatives the battle was soon won. After decades of suffering, relief came with the end of W.W.II. Once again U.S.A citizens enjoyed years of peaceful slumber until Silent Summer.
URGENT!! EARTHLINGS
JUST SAY NO TO PAN and YES TO DDT

Heed our Humble Plea

Please, please bring back DDT! Is it not written man should subdue the earth?So, what if it's socially unacceptable. So, too is an infestation of these equal opportunity, upwardly mobile vampires. Just wait until you are bedeviled by these sly, noiseless, nocturnal 'red coats'. Once you too have become an unwilling host for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you will happily add an ultra conservative non-environmentalist statesman to your contact list. Better still, since this attack upon all warm-blood creatures is spiraling towards a pandemic you might also need to consult an old world fortuneteller. Rest assured - these elderly doomsday harbingers are legitimate and hold all manner of night-time horror certificates. In case you don't have a personal gypsy prophet on call, you might want to solicit the help of an expert.


An expert has professional has knowledge beyond a flickering lighter. It is merely elementary to look for the tell-tale sign of 3, upon a victim's body. Wise counsel follows: Be aware -time is of the essence. Each day of delay in contacting the proper authorities can add up to extra costly expenses for mood altering substances and extended-stay lodgings. DDT can not be nearly as costly as monitoring armies of misinformed, sleep deprive citizens aimlessly marching upon the nation's highways and byways. So, make me understand why there is any delay in heeding our plea. - Bring back DDT.



Dream Big!

In these wondrous day of technological savvy anything is truly possible. Just stop and ponder these informed turn of events. After centuries of social scorn and un-natural potty training, infantile squatting came back as ergonomically beneficial. Local barbers stop being greedy cross-craftsmen and came back as two distinct professionals. When you dream big anything is possible especially in a town Billy Sunday could not shut down.
It was as though nothing had really changed. Despite years of historical denials big Al came back with an elitist swag. 100% proof gin came back after prohibition with a health disclaimer. Chicago's famous dialing prefix 312 came back as a homegrown brew. An unsavory, ghetto-fabulous number's racket came back as wholesome gaming entertainment.. Foodies got the best deal. They witnessed delicious culinary changes. No count pushcart 'street corn' and 'husked-wrapped Mississippi tamales' peddlers came back as food truck entrepreneurs. Upscale Bison meat also back after decades of the buffalo's extinction. Dried up biddies came back as juicy Cajun Botox poultry. After a spectator's plea to NFL's John Madden inside stuffing came back as Turducken. And much to the chagrin of Ms. Manners laughing out loud came back as a silent text. So, stop with this temporary environmental, political correctness. It's just a matter of time before you too will be persuaded to fight to bring back DDT.

Limited Time Offering

If you slip on some consciousness and don't join, others will soon wake up and happily take your place. There is always an increase in new memberships between 1200 am - 02:00am. So, hurry and sign up to before dusk!!

This movement has the full support of:
Quick Death Society of International Pest Control Technicians
Weary Homeowners
Flustered Condo Associations
Frazzled Homemakers
Overworked Civil Servants (FDA, EPA ,etc.)
Irrational Tenants
and countless anonymous supporters.

Forward we move into battle armed with the use of insufferable heat, 100+ large plastic bags per household, OTC insecticides, ti-tree oil and the assurance that we shall sleep tight without a bedbug bite.

CREDITS
Photos:
Video clip courtesy of Youtube
Bison photo courtesy of Wikipedia
DDT Spray photo courtesy of US Gov.-CDC Wikipedia
Frightful nights photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Tags

Bed Bugs, Bloodsuckers, Classic Horro Films, Ddt, Dracula Vampire Legends, Nfl, Pandemic, Prohibition Era In The Usa, Seduction, Silent Spring, Turducken, Vampires

Meet the author

author avatar writestuff
C.A. Lofton is a proponent of Positive Thinking. Her creative works: lyrics, short stories and poetry. B.A. in English and certificates in counseling and publishing. Website: www.calofton.com

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Comments

author avatar khushal
20th Oct 2014 (#)

nice sharing

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author avatar writestuff
20th Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for the read and comment.

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author avatar Retired
20th Oct 2014 (#)

I really cannot see how the return of DDT would be in the best interests of anyone. This is a particularly nasty chemical that did untold environmental damage in the past and it must never be allowed to do so again.

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author avatar writestuff
20th Oct 2014 (#)

What are you commenting on??

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author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
20th Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for sharing this article. I think I would have to agree with John. This is not a good chemical. We really need earth friendly products. If we go back to DDT we will be taking steps back instead of forward.

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author avatar writestuff
27th Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for your read.

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author avatar micheal
20th Oct 2014 (#)

good article I enjoyed it.

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author avatar writestuff
20th Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for read. Happy you enjoyed off beat humor.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
20th Oct 2014 (#)

There should be better alternatives than DDT - siva

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author avatar writestuff
27th Oct 2014 (#)

Unfortunately, everything used to fight bedbugs has health risk. Thanks for your read.

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author avatar C.D. Moore
20th Oct 2014 (#)

I agree with all the above!

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author avatar writestuff
27th Oct 2014 (#)

Thanks for your read.

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author avatar n.c.radomes
12th Nov 2014 (#)

As of today, have you gotten rid of the bedbugs?

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author avatar writestuff
12th Nov 2014 (#)

Thanks for read and comment. Yes, but it's hard to say for how long b4 them nasty 'red coats' return - the Windy City is under constant attack. lol.

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