Twelve Random Things You Must Never Do - A Look at Names.

shelpeare By shelpeare, 21st Jun 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Names stick with us for life so we have to be careful how we name children and even how we use names. It often makes for comical or even embarassing situations.

Names and naming

Names have always intrigued me. More thought needs to be put into how children are named and how names are used by people. Let us take a look at names people have and how to avoid embarrassing situations. The following is a list of twelve things you must never do with respect to names (no pun intended).

(1) When you are in an aeroplane (especially an American Airlines one) and you see your good friend Jack way down the aisle, never shout out “Hi Jack !!!” with your hand outstretched in the air. In arresting his attention you yourself may get arrested.

(2) If your thin-skinned friend’s name is Mc Donald and you find that she is disturbing someone, never say “Don’t humbug her!” She may get offended. Never tell her that her ideas are baloney either.

(3) If your friend Jean has a body odour problem when you are greeting her tell her “Hello.” Never tell her “Hi.” It is very awkward to smile and say “Hi Jean!” every time you see her.

(4) If your surname is Ross do not, I repeat, do not ever name your baby Ambi Dexter Ross or worse yet Albert Ross. Resist the urge.

(5) Along the same lines, if your surname is Pierre never name your child Rhea, Maria, Ree, Adisa, Odessa or Lee. Of course it gets even worse if your child’s whole name is Lee Pierre Calendar. He will be heckled for the whole year, or at least every four years. Let us leap to the next “Don’t.”

(6) When you are naming your baby never give the baby names without checking what his or her initials would be. The evangelist D . L. Moody’s closest associate was Reuben Arthur Torrey, not a bad name until you shorten it to R.A.T. I know of one lady who was L.C.M before she was married.

(7) A lot of people these days are named Twinkle and Sparkle. If your child’s surname is Star never give them any of these names. Come on! Twinkle Star? Not a bright idea at all. That is a shining example of what never to do if you do not want your child to be teased mercilessly in school and not taken seriously later on in the work-place. Of course if the Star family names their bouncing baby boy “Patrick” it would be, perhaps, a greater sin. No one is as dumb as the Sponge Bob television show’s character Patrick Star, not even Sponge Bob himself. Also, anyone given that name should keep himself out of trouble or they will be known later on as “Pa Trickster.”

(8) “Candy” is a sweet name. However, if your surname is “Cain”, never name your child “Candy.” I personally know someone with those two names which sound like “Candy Cane,” the candy in the form of a cane that is often sold at Christmas-time. You know, her best friend’s surname was “Cotton”! There they sat – Cotton and Candy. How sweet! I am not making this up at all. There is no need for fiction when life is so intriguing.

(9) Some surnames sound delicious like the Chinese surname “Chow Mein” which is also a Chinese food. Never couple that with names like Delisha which sounds almost like “delicious” or “Tsania” which sounds like “Lasagne.” There is enough hunger in the world without hearing continually about Delisha Chow Mein and Tsania Chow Mein. There is such a thing as using too much taste in giving your child a name!

(10) If you are a female never get married without first thinking about what your new name will be. I know some liberated females will take me to task for this but there are some times when you just have to drop your maiden name. What if Trinidad and Tobago’s former beauty queen Nicole Dyer had married Darrell Hair the Australian cricket umpire and kept her maiden name? She would have become Nicole Dyer-Hair. That certainly would have been a fashion statement! I hope people are hearing my advice. It is not as bad when you shorten it to Nicole Hair which still sounds like a hair-style statement though or an answer to someone on the telephone.

(11) If your maiden name is Green and you are marrying a man whose surname is Pierre, you may want to drop the “Green” unless you want to be known as a “Green-Pierre.” Maybe you will listen when the time is ripe, uh I mean right. I think that is the mature thing to do.

(12) Lastly, if a female’s maiden name is “Young” and she marries someone whose surname is “Mann” does she really want to be a “Young – Mann” or does she just want to marry one? She has got to get her priorities straight.
So there you have it. I have tried to give my best advice concerning names and naming. Never couple good advice with bad advice. Let wisdom be wisdom and not “whiz” “dumb.”


Baby Names, Candy, Dyer, Mann, Mc Donald, Names, Naming, Naming Babies, Patrick, Pierre, Ross

Meet the author

author avatar shelpeare
Hi. I am shelpeare.
I love freelance writing, music, languages, wordplay and most of all God.

Share this page

moderator Sam Wormleighton moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


Add a comment
Can't login?