The manual for men

Amy Robertson By Amy Robertson, 22nd Oct 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2oslxgpz/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Men really can get it wrong quite a bit of the time, so here's a bit of guidance for you...

A manual for men

Men rarely seem to get it. Every day I hear stories from female friends about men performing acts of true idiocy. Who calls his current girlfriend whilst meeting up with his ex? Or tells his girlfriend he's not ready for commitment after being together for twelve years? So here's a few basic tips for the men who need it:

Meeting someone new:

1. Yes buy us a drink

2. Listen to us - don't just pretend to listen or make assumptions, especially based on female stereotypes

3. Don't talk about sexual conquests, prowess or anything similar

4. Manners matter - don't burp, fart, slurp or anything else gross - its just not sexy

4. Yes hold the door open, make sure we get home safely and be gentlemanly

5. Call! It's so irritating to pretend you're not interested. But don't become a stalker - if we don't call back, we're not interested

6. Yes we like flowers and chocolates. Not scary amounts, but almost all women like flowers and chocolates!

Once the relationship is established:

1. If you're dating us, you need to also make an effort with our friends and family

2. The drunken lads' sessions at the strip joint are really not appealing, especially not on a regular basis

3. You need to cook and clean too

4. Don't criticise any efforts we make for you, especially cooking, or dress - we almost always make a special effort, so try to notice it

5. Keep complimenting (but don't overdo it) - haircuts, new outfits...

6. Keep making an effort - shave, wash, put on new clothes, don't start burping and farting... we want to stay attracted to you

7. Remain interesting - keep up your hobbies; take up new ones; keep seeing your friends - we want to be able to keep conversation sparkly

8. Most women are naturally emotional and grumpy at times - its our hormones. Just deal with it like an adult

9. No we don't always want to watch football but we will watch a bit if you compromise too

10. Don't leave the toilet seat up, your dirty plate on the table, leave the washing up if we've cooked, hairs in the shower... generally think about general hygiene in whatever you're doing!

In for the long haul:

1. Just because we discuss marriage and kids doesn't give you an excuse to run a mile - and it doesn't mean we want them here and now. We just like to plan a bit more and there is a bit of time pressure

2. Stop fearing commitment! It's ok to be with the same person for more than six months...

3. Talk to us - we want to know if you feel there's issues. Yes its hard, but man up and spit it out

4. We need space as much as you do - so lets discuss a good balance

5. Don't be an arsehole - it is never ever ok to physically or emotionally abuse us - and don't have an affair either

6. Don't always prioritise your mother - it can get really annoying (sorry)

7. We want a gentle, communicative, funny, bright hero who also believes in equality - just because its near impossible doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire to it. And if you make an effort, we will love you for it.

And to those men who don't need the above tips, try and pass on your good habits please!!

Tags

Advice, Manual, Men, Stereotypes, Tips, Women

Meet the author

author avatar Amy Robertson
I live and work in London and have an interest in art, films, charity, boxing, travel and social observations.

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Comments

author avatar GV Rama Rao
5th Nov 2011 (#)

Treat every woman as a lady, and she will respond better.

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author avatar M G Singh
5th Nov 2011 (#)

Well written advice.

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