The Two Words that May Have Ruined My Life

PureDrumFury By PureDrumFury, 14th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

You may only get one chance to make an impression on someone. Don't blow it.

My Second Love

You never forget your first love. For me it was Lynda Carter, also known as Wonder Woman in the 1970s. Unfortunately, even as a gradeschooler I was smart enough to know that unless I got kidnapped by Dr. Psycho or became an evil villain myself I'd never actually meet her. So that was out.

After discovering that love only happens in the real world, I turned my attention to a gorgeous blonde named Jennifer at my elementary school. I saw her for the first time in the third grade, within hours of being transferred to the public system from a Catholic school. I was swinging like a monkey on the jungle gym during recess, and upon seeing her I lost my grip and hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. There she was, with the wind in her hair and the afternoon sun lighting up her pretty face as if the entire thing had been set up by a Revlon television commercial production crew. It was one of those moments when the world comes to a screeching halt, an angelic choir sings, and everything else just sort of disappears. I couldn't take my eyes off her, and as I stared, already completely smitten, the weirdest thing happened. She noticed me, the new kid, and stared right back. We locked eyes for a virtual eternity; in reality, it was probably well over a minute. I don't think either one of us blinked. The stare was only broken by the piercing sound of a copper handheld bell, signifying the end of recess.

Not long after, it happened again. She wasn't in my class, so I only got to see her on the playground or in the hall at the beginning or end of a day. But by this time, thanks to the investigative skills I had learned watching The Bloodhound Gang skits on Sesame Street, I had discovered her name and who her teacher was; important information for a third grader in love. So there I was, standing in the grass alone watching her laugh and play with her friends. And then she saw me again. For a second time, we locked eyes and stared at each other, not moving a muscle. It was deja vu, only there was no doubt that it was real. Fate had spoken. I would marry that girl one day.

How True Love Grows

From that second stare forward, I knew Jennifer was the one. To me, it was as if no other girls existed. Looking back, I think my infatuation would have been considered criminal in the adult world. Over the years, I watched her from afar. There just never seemed to be a good moment to strike up a conversation with her. There were always other kids around, other boys vying for her attention and other girls inundating her with their endless gossip. She was the one everyone wanted to be friends with. But I wanted her love, and that made talking to her entirely terrifying.

What do you say to the girl of your dreams, anyway? "Hi, my name is Brian and I have been totally in love with you since the third grade" is probably too forward. Talking to Jennifer should have been easy, but it wasn't. I don't know if it was the fear of rejection, or the fear of what it would mean had she responded with the same affection. I was a young boy discovering for the first time how a girl could make your guts feel all twisted just by being beautiful. My own body felt foreign around her. So I just kept waiting for that perfect moment, that fate-driven stoppage in time to say just the right thing.

The longer I waited, the more intimidated I felt. I had no problem talking to other girls, but for some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to say something to her. I thought about her day and night. She dominated my heart, and the feeling got worse and worse as each year went by. By the time we got to junior high, we were both involved in various extracurricular activities, but never the same ones. I was a musician and I was playing sports. She was more of the political type, spending her time on student committees and things of that nature. But we had a few classes together, and being that my last name starts with a "W" I was always seated in the back, where I could just stare at her without her noticing and block out whatever the instructor was trying to teach me.

For my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I transferred to an all-boys Catholic college prep school. There is no need to get into how awful that experience was here. Even though I didn't see Jennifer for a full two years, she was never far from my thoughts. I always wondered what she was doing, and kept hoping that fate would drop her in a mall where I was shopping or at a party. That would have been perfect, but it didn't happen.

Eventually, our household budget couldn't sustain the prep school anymore, and I was moved backed to the public school. By this time, I was a football player, a track runner, and pretty good with a drum set. I knew I would see Jennifer, and I thought that there was no way she wouldn't be impressed with me. Maybe now I would finally get that golden opportunity to talk to her before I graduated.

Fate Finally Intervenes

By the time I began my last year of high school, I had actually had a couple of different girlfriends. The fact that it was so easy to talk to other girls - and win their affection for a time - only solidified the feeling that there was just something different and special about Jennifer. And as a newly single senior, I knew what I had to do. I wasn't going to let our final year in school together go by without talking to her. If fate wasn't going to put us together, I would defy it and make it happen.

That's when fate finally stepped in and dealt me a good hand. The school was holding a variety show, and another drummer and I had written a duet for two drum sets and we were selected to perform. To speed the process between acts, a group of students was tasked with building our drum sets around us as we sat on our thrones behind the curtain. Jennifer was in that group.

While the emcee made lame jokes to the audience, I sat there praying that Jennifer would bring me one of the pieces of my drum set. A simple "thank you" and a smile, maybe even a wink, and I knew after that the ice would be broken and the floodgates of conversation would open. I would find her after the show, thank her again, and ask her out. It would be perfect. I just needed her to bring me something.

And then it happened. Looking over to stage right, I saw her appear with my hi-hat in hand. I could have sworn a yellow brick road appeared beneath her feet leading straight to me. As she approached, she smiled and our eyes met. After all those years, the memory of those long stares in the third grade came rushing back. I got that same feeling in the pit of my stomach and I knew this was it. Fate had finally intervened.

She placed my hi-hat down to my right side, still locking eyes with me. Unfortunately, I am right-handed, so the hi-hat goes on my left. Before I had a chance to think about anything, I opened my mouth and rudely blurted out two words: "Wrong side." That's it. That is what came out of my mouth. Her smile immediately faded, her eyes went cold, and she rudely retorted, "well, sooor-ry!" as she moved my hi-hat to the other side, slammed it down, and huffed off. I never spoke to her again.

So that's how, after roughly nine years of being in love with Jennifer, it finally went down. Sure, I could have found a second to tell her I was sorry, that truly I didn't mean to be so rude, that all I wanted was to show her how I really felt. But I didn't. It just felt wrong after that, and I don't know why. I ended up dating someone else, and that fell apart after a few months, as did the next relationship, and the one after that, and the one after that.

I've never been married, never had kids. I have spent the years filling up my life with bands, travel, and all the wrong women. And I can't help but think about how different things could have been had I just walked up to Jennifer at any point over those nine years, fear be damned, and just...talked to her.

I hope that my epic failure with Jennifer inspires someone else out there to take a leap, to not be afraid of talking to someone that has his or her heart. In retrospect, it's really kind of ridiculous that I never did, which meant that it all came down to one moment that I ended up completely barfing all over. When your heart pulls you towards someone, just talk to them. If it's right, you'll eventually know it and you will get your chance to tell them how you feel. Don't spend your days wondering "what if." Just do it.


Humor, Humorous, Humorous Guy Story, Humorous Stories, Humorous Story, Love And Desire

Meet the author

author avatar PureDrumFury
Writer, drummer, and in all likelihood future carpal tunnel syndrome sufferer.

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author avatar Retired
15th May 2013 (#)

I was in love with Wonder Woman too

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author avatar Mariah
18th May 2013 (#)

The love of your life just slipped sad.
You never know, fate just might give you a second chance, she might be reading this wherever she is now, it's not impossible..and you know what they say..better late than never.
Great read

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