The Rise, fall and Rise of Samson

Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 10th Mar 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/m533bixq/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

A look at Samson's incredible dedication to screwing the Philistines over.

The story of Samson

After the Israelites strayed from the Lord yet again, He punished them by delivering them to the Philistines to serve as slaves for forty years. However, like a parent to a naughty child, The Lord couldn’t stay angry at Israel forever and decided to deliver the Israelites from the Philistines.

In the tribe land of Dan, which was next to the country of the Philistines, there was living a man named Manoah. One day an angel came to his wife and said:

Judges 13:4 (New International Version)

3."You are sterile and childless, but you are going to conceive and have a son.

4.Now see to it that you drink no wine or other fermented drink and that you do not eat anything unclean,

5.because you will conceive and give birth to a son. No razor may be used on his head, because the boy is to be a Nazirite, set apart to God from birth, and he will begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines."


When the child was born, he was named Samson and he grew to stand out amongst his peers.

While he was growing up, Samson met a young lady who he immediately fell in love with and wanted to marry. The issue was that she was a Philistine native so naturally, his parents weren’t going be pleased with that idea but Samson evidently didn’t care, as seen by how he addressed them:

2."I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife."

3.His father and mother replied, "Isn't there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?" But Samson said to his father, "Get her for me. She's the right one for me."


His parents saw that Samson wasn’t going to relent and reluctantly decided to get him his desired wife. However, while Samson was leading his parents to the village where he had seen this lady, he ran into a bit of a problem:

5. As they approached the vineyards of Timnah, suddenly a young lion came roaring toward him.

But where people would have used this as an opportunity to run for the hills, Samson saw it as an opportunity to test his God given strength:

6.The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor his mother what he had done.

7.Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her.


After some time, Samson went back to Timnah for his marriage with the Philistine woman. On his way he stopped to look at the dead lion and in its body he found a swarm of bees, and honey which they had made. He took some of the honey and ate it as he walked, but told no one of it.

Soon after, Samson threw a feast in celebration of his wedding and many people from both the tribes of Israel and Philistine attended and enjoyed the festivities. Samson decided to try and pull a fast one on them:

12."Let me tell you a riddle," Samson said to them. "If you can give me the answer within the seven days of the feast, I will give you thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes.

13.If you can't tell me the answer, you must give me thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes." "Tell us your riddle," they said. "Let's hear it."

14.He replied, "Out of the eater, something to eat; out of the strong, and something sweet." For three days they could not give the answer.


Given that it wasn't a well-known riddle, it was understandable that they wouldn’t know the answer. Hell, this guy just made it up on the back of his crazy adventure! But the pressure on them to answer the riddle led them to desperate measures:

15.On the fourth day, they said to Samson's wife, "Coax your husband into explaining the riddle for us, or we will burn you and your father's household to death. Did you invite us here to rob us?"

Samson’s wife went along with the plan and eventually got the answer out of him. When the men returned and answered his riddle correctly, Samson was not a good sport about it:

18.Samson said to them, "If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."

19.Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle.


To recap, Samson tried to swindle a group of men who eventually outsmarted him. He then got angry that he was outsmarted and went on to kill 30 men who had nothing to do with the bet and gave away their clothes just to pay off the debt.

HE KILLED 30 INNOCENT MEN BECAUSE HE WAS PISSY ABOUT LOSING A BET.

To top it off, he left his wife and went back to his father's house and because he had left, the parents of his wife gave her to another man. However, But after a while, Samson went again to Timnath to see his wife. But her father refused to hand her over and said:

2."I was so sure you thoroughly hated her," he said, "that I gave her to your friend. Isn't her younger sister more attractive? Take her instead."

Despite the father’s attempts to pimp his daughter out, Samson would not take his wife's sister. Believing that the Philistines cheated him, he set out to get revenge on them:

4.So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails,

5.lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves.


When the Philistines saw that their crops were destroyed, they were understandably upset and began looking for the person responsible:

6.When the Philistines asked, "Who did this?" they were told, "Samson, the Timnite's son-in-law, because his wife was given to his friend." So the Philistines went up and burned her and her father to death.

Samson found out about the deaths of his wife and her father, and went back to Timnath to rain down God’s wrath on the Philistines:

7.Samson said to them, "Since you've acted like this, I won't stop until I get my revenge on you."

8.He attacked them viciously and slaughtered many of them. Then he went down and stayed in a cave in the rock of Etam.


Just to clear things up, all this drama was started by Samson himself.

• He is the one who tried to swindle the Philistines and when they outsmarted him, he went on some murderous spree to which the Philistines didn’t retaliate to.
• He left his wife and her father allowed her to marry someone else (marital laws worked in a different way compared to how we know them).
• He came back and tried to take his wife but the father explained the situation and even offered an alternative solution which he rejects.
• Dude goes on to torch the harvest of the Philistines, believing they had somehow swindled him again. They retaliate by burning alive his (ex) wife and her father.
• On the back of this, Samson goes on another killing spree.

At this point, the Philistines were sick of Samson and wanted him out of the picture permanently. To do this, they decided to round up an army and go deal with the problem once and for all:

9.The Philistines went up and camped in Judah, spreading out near Lehi.

10.The men of Judah asked, "Why have you come to fight us?" "We have come to take Samson prisoner," they answered, "to do to him as he did to us."


The men of Judah went to find Samson and he surrendered peacefully to them, on the condition that they didn’t kill him. As they took him to the Philistines, Samson’s murderous tendencies awoke and he laid waste to the Philistines:

14.As he approached Lehi, the Philistines came toward him shouting. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands.

15.Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.


If killing a thousand men wasn’t enough, this guy went on to gloat about it:

16.Then Samson said, "With a donkey's jawbone I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand men."

17.When he finished speaking, he threw away the jawbone; and the place was called Ramath Lehi.


ON TOP OF ALL THAT, Samson still had the nerve to complain to the Lord:

18.Because he was very thirsty, he cried out to the LORD, "You have given your servant this great victory. Must I now die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised?"

19.Then God opened up the hollow place in Lehi, and water came out of it. When Samson drank, his strength returned and he revived. So the spring was called En Hakkore, and it is still there in Lehi.


After he had single handedly defeated the enemies of the Lord, Samson went on to lead Israel for twenty years during which he still trolled the Philistines on a frequent basis.

For example:

16.One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her.

2.The people of Gaza were told, "Samson is here!" So they surrounded the place and lay in wait for him all night at the city gate. They made no move during the night, saying, "At dawn we'll kill him."

3.But Samson lay there only until the middle of the night. Then he got up and took hold of the doors of the city gate, together with the two posts, and tore them loose, bar and all. He lifted them to his shoulders and carried them to the top of the hill that faces Hebron.


But in the midst of his reign, Samson saw another Philistine lady from the Valley of Sorek with whom he fell in love with.

Her name was Delilah.

When the Philistine rulers found out, they coerced Delilah to find out the origin and cause of Samson’s great strength. Initially, Samson didn’t reveal the true nature of his strength (he lied to her three times) but her persistence eventually paid off:

16.With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death.

17.So he told her everything. "No razor has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Nazirite set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man."


Certain that she finally got the truth, Delilah went to the rulers of Philistine and told them how he does it. They then proceeded to test out this new theory and capture Samson:

19.Having put him to sleep on her lap; she called a man to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him.

20.Then she called, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" He awoke from his sleep and thought, "I'll go out as before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the LORD had left him.

21.Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza. Binding him with bronze shackles, they set him to grinding in the prison.


The Philistines had finally captured their most hated enemy and forced him to do their bidding. But during all this they forgot an important thing that would eventually lead to their downfall;

Hair grows back.

The idiots didn’t bother to continuously shave Samson and keep his power in check, which allowed Samson’s hair to slowly grow back.

During this whole ordeal, Samson had realized the error of his ways and renewed his vow to the Lord and because the Lord is merciful, he gave Samson an opportunity for redemption.

It is through this opportunity that Samson would earn his place in biblical history:

23.Now the rulers of the Philistines assembled to offer a great sacrifice to Dagon their god and to celebrate, saying, "Our god has delivered Samson, our enemy, into our hands."

24.When the people saw him, they praised their god, saying, "Our god has delivered our enemy into our hands, the one who laid waste our land and multiplied our slain."

25.While they were in high spirits, they shouted, "Bring out Samson to entertain us." So they called Samson out of the prison, and he performed for them. When they stood him among the pillars,

26.Samson said to the servant who held his hand, "Put me where I can feel the pillars that support the temple, so that I may lean against them."

27.Now the temple was crowded with men and women; all the rulers of the Philistines were there, and on the roof were about three thousand men and women watching Samson perform.

28.Then Samson prayed to the LORD, "O Sovereign LORD, remember me. O God, please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes."

29.Then Samson reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other,


30. Samson said, "Let me die with the Philistines!" Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived.

Samson might have been a crazy bastard who let his desires come first before the Lord's will, but at the end of his journey, he repented, sought God's help, and used the Lord's strength to serve him one last time.

Through this single act, Samson set the Israelites free from Philistines rule.

Tags

Bible, Bible Stories, Delilah, Samson

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author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

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