The Noise Delimiter

Zarathruster By Zarathruster, 7th Mar 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Satirical look at a possible invention. The Noise delimiter is a first- of -its -kind, revolutionary "pro-selective" hearing device that reduces the unwanted tones and allows for a customizable hearing experience. Utilize the latest audio delimiting technology - 'Blind Screech Control' to soften the impact of unwanted noise....

The Noise Delimiter

The Noise Delimiter

Noise is a very unwanted thing to deal with. You try to 'not listen' to it - however only the most focused can filter it out and commit to the task at hand. Engine noise on the road, screaming kids and surprise noise can really get under your skin. Decibel limits indicate noise thresholds but cant stop the screeching in your brain. Hearing the woofer of an approaching vehicle 2 minutes before you see it is always a special experience for your mind to scream thank god when it passes. The big noises are bad however since they are usually encountered outside and infrequently, like when helicopter gunships fly over your house, they seem easier to deal with when compared to the daily human and animal communication we must endure. In light of this, I am introducing the Noise Delimiter. The Delimiter is the Defining of the Limits of noise you are exposed to.

The Delimiter is like a hearing aid on steroids. It is smaller than a hearing aid and fits in the each of the lower ear canals, sold in pairs. It operates similar to a Blue Tooth however it is a transceiver, receiving a signal, altering it then sending it on its way. The Noise Delimiter has advanced reception and transmission ability whereby the reception and transmission occur almost simultaneously. Miniaturized advanced microphones and state of the art micro transmitters work in parallel to deliver a customizable user experience. The user hears everything as before, just slightly altered to remove the whine, the tremolo, if you will, from the offending parties voice, yelp, cry, moan or generally high pitched emotion laden screech. Let the Noise Delimiter introduce you to a hassle free hearing experience. You deserve nothing less than complete control of the unwanted audio invasions of daily life.

Uses for the Noise Delimiter are varied and include a defense mechanism from the highly pitched, overly emotional wailings of a spouse or loved one, an unruly neighbor or the annoying vocal stylings of a person on television. Uses also include speakerphone enthusiasts, co workers that seem to exist only to irritate and retail locations. Other uses include fire alarms- remember - you still hear the alarm- its just not pounding in your skull. Imagine the additional peace of mind the Noise Delimiter can provide you as a parent with kids in the car! Daycare centers in ten states are pre-ordering Delimiters by the caseload. The military is studying Delimiter applications to counter LRAD, (Long Range Acoustical Device), weaponry.

Operating the Delimiter is simple and easy. The micro ear piece comes with a personalized remote about half the size of a small cell phone. Volume adjustment, treble, bass, tremolo and the latest audio delimiting technology - "Blind Screech Control", (BSC),- are all part of the advanced mechanisms integrated into this first-of-its-kind technology. Future versions will include a mobile app that will operate within a 5 foot radius of the user and will transmit/receive the signal without the aid of an ear device which should be ready in three weeks.

The Noise Delimiter is under $29 and includes free shipping. We implore the citizenry of the world to Delimit themselves to a more balanced and happier state of being with "pro-selective"(pat.pending), hearing through the use of the Noise Delimiter. ND Inc. is committed to fostering a climate of stress free hearing in a stressed out age. NDI believes that having a pro-selective hearing offense is the best defense. We are beta testing future prototypes in high annoyance and noise challenged climates and we look forward to letting the people of earth hear on their own terms - not on the terms of unwanted noise.


Hearing Aids, Hearing Perception, Inventions, Satirical Invention

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Internationally Acclaimed Writer of Satire and Human Interest

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