The Last Dragon Slayer

Count Sneaky By Count Sneaky, 17th Jun 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/4_1c3j5q/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

No one seems to know (or care) who slew the last known European Dragon ( Lizardo Gigantus) before they migrated to an island in the SE Asian Sea. There they multiplied and became known to a few surviving researchers as Komodo Dragons. After an afternoon spent in research and revelry, here is the complete story. Believe it or nut!

Down To The Last Dragon and Virgin.

In the small duchy of Dingee in Eastern Belgravia, the last dragon roamed freely. He dined on peasants' livestock, crops and had his way with young virgins throughout the area. As he grew larger and more ferocious, he defeated knight after knight, day after day and finally no knight dared cross the duchy of Dingee. The Duke grew more and more afraid that not only was his territories commercial potential being threatened by a large, puce-colored lizard, but they were down to their last virgin, a 45 year-old beauty named Paula Pas De Deux.

Sir Vinaigrette,The Old Dragon Slayer?

He was the last to graduate from The Knighthood Academy of Belgravia. All of his fellow knights had taken degrees in Serving Lords and Ladies as Knightly Retainers, as this was the quickest route to fame and wealth. There was only one last dragon left in all of Europe; and this severely limited the possibility of becoming a Dragon Slayer and Maiden Rescuer, Hero of Belgravia, and Protector of HH Duke Barre Di Fountainbleu. Enter Sir Vinaigrette, at 72, the oldest knight in the duchy and hardly the sharpest sword in all of the the scabards of the Duchy of Dingee.
After many battles, skirmishes, and wounds he recognized that his fighting days were about over and so , he mounted his large stallion, Rummley, and with his squire and cook he rode off to find the dragon called "Potemkin," or, as he was known locally, "Big, Big Mac."

The Virgin Enters The Plot Trippingly.

Sir Vinaigrette set up an interview at the Tavern Of The Dragon with the last remaining Virgin, Paula Pas De Deux, as soon as he entered Dingee City. Sir Vinaigreete outlined to her his plan to dispatch Potemkin the Dragon with her help as lovely lure and aging, deadly bait.
The plan appealed to her better nature and fading beauty plus half of the Duke's reward for Potemkin's demise. So together they rode toward the dragon's last known lair. They stopped to have a drink at Tuileries Tavern and were told that Potemkin had taken up a lair in a cave behind the tavern and usually came back to his lair at about 5:30 in the afternoon. They both set to work to lay the plans to dispatch the dragon.

Potemkin Bites The Big One.

The last known Virgin, Paula Pas De Deux, carefully crawled into her female dragon costume and apllied all of her make-up and seductive
"Evening With A Dragon" cologne. She then sat in a lounge chair at the entrance to Potemkin's lair and waited for him to return. Sir V.,in the meantime, has had his weapons sharpened by his squire as his cook prepared a dinner featuring Truffles en Casserole and Escargot Lyonne with Pomegranite Bread and Chaumont Vineyard # 32 Wine. All was in readiness as Sir V. took up his position just behind Potemkin's large bed as Virgin Paula lured Potemkin to sit beside her on the bed. The trap was laid. So to speak.

Here Endedth the Tail Of The Dragon.

After slowly finishing a bite of truffle offered by the Dragon, Paula rolled her eyes and slowly lay back on one of the gigantic goose-down pillows. She arched her back and gazed at the Dragon while lifting a lovely left leg. Lost in the passion of the moment, Potemkin the Dragon raised his head above the back board. Sir Vinaigrette struck with his mighty sword " Old Blue" and severed Potemkin's head from his long neck. Twenty years after his death in 1243. Sir Vinaigrette was declared Saint Vinaigrette by the Church . There being no other dragon found in the whole of the civilized world, Saint Vinaigrette was declared the "Knight Who Slew The Last Dragon" by the Church and Rotary International. He went on a speaking tour and earned enough to build a castle on the River Rhine where the Rhine Maidens play. The Virgin Paula Pas De Deux, no longer being a virgin, married Sir Vinaigrette and happily produced a brood of little virgins, knights, and castle crawlers. So endeth the Last of the Dragons and the start of the First of the Mohicans.

By COUNT SNEAKY

Copyright2012htstone

Tags

A Beastly Affair, A Medieval Tale, Dragging The Dragon, Encounter, The Dragon And The Virgin, The Last Virgins Tale

Meet the author

author avatar Count Sneaky
A retired art director, creative director, and blogger of "Count Sneaky's Journal" Will focus on humor writing.

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Comments

author avatar cnwriter..carolina
16th Jul 2012 (#)

this is absolutely marvellous .I love your words, the old fashioned ones too and the pics...

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