The Guerrilla Shopper

chrysolite By chrysolite, 4th May 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

I've just recovered from a severe and painful allergic reaction to some sausages I bought at the local supermarket. As this has happened on various occasions before, I suspect that I'm "suffering" from MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity). I personally think my body is reacting correctly to the onslaught of preservatives and perfumes in my case, so the guerrilla war is on - David against Goliath - here I come.

The Sausages

Generally I'm trying to live on organic homegrown food only, but there are occasions when I just so fancy a bit of supermarket food which is not necessarily junk food, I just happen to know by experience that certain products don't do me any harm and so I buy and eat them occasionally.

But this time was different. I reached for the packet of Frankfurters I usually buy, but they were not there! Then I saw a different package with Mini-Frankfurters from another manufacturer and silly me, I bought them knowing that I might be playing Russian Roulette here. And I was hungry (never go shopping when you are hungry!!!)

On the way home I ate a few of those Mini-Frankfurters and a few hours afterwards, I was doubling up in pain cursing the Frankfurters, the manufacturer and the supermarket voodoo style! I bet they all felt the vibrations!

Three days later I had recovered from the ordeal and quite frankly, I can't even be bothered to complain to the supermarket. We shoppers are all quite used to the fact now that the customer is not "king" anymore, but mere idiots that have to buy what they offer. Fine with me, I do know how to write and I do know how to use the Paint software.

The Label

Way back in 1998 in the UK, my husband and I bought our first computer so that we could "do internet". We also bought a printer, a scanner and a camera, printing paper and labels. And then Tesco's annoyed us (see now what trouble they are in - quite foreseeable!).

So we scanned the Tesco logo in and found a very similar typeface to the one Tesco used for their slogan. Here is the slogan again, in case you don't know it:

Every little helps

Now, if you eliminate the first "E" of the slogan and the last "s" you get:

Very little help

So we printed small shopping lists with the Tesco logo and the new slogan on and distributed them into all the trolleys outside.

Then Tesco's had a very annoying habit. No sooner did we buy and like their onion relish or the Combos, they ran out and put a red label up saying:

"Temporarily out of stock"

Week after week, no onion relish or Combos, only those annoying red labels.

Finally we printed new red labels saying:

"Always out of stock"

and stuck them on the various shelves of products we liked and they always had "run out of". Promptly the shelves were filled again. Hm.

Bearing in mind our previous experience with labels against supermarkets, I have now made a new labels with scull and cross bones and poison written on it saying:

"This product kills"

I mean! They are doing it with tobacco products and if you ask any doctor whether tobacco related deaths have risen, they tell you: No. But they readily admit that deaths related to preservatives and perfumes and especially the uncontrollable cocktail of chemicals added to our food, have indeed risen exponentially.

So watch me (security cameras, too!) putting my new label on those Mini-Frankfurters and any other product that will give me grief in future!

The Slingshot

To complete the article, I herewith also announce:

I have bought a new slingshot lately and it seems a useful sport to take up. In love it!

And while I'll be shopping in future, I shall fire paint balls on everybody's botty who misbehaves in a supermarket ....... I'm sorry, that's INCLUDING KIDS!

What else do we have to come up with to safeguard our health and make supermarket shopping a satisfying experience?

Yes, yes, yes, I hear you: Grow your own. I'm doing it already, thank you very much! But occasionally I still would like to participate in this "normal" society with supermarkets and mega stores, I'm only human!

Related Links

Furthermore, I refuse to me made a sickie if my body reacts the only possible way with regards to the onslaught of downright poisons in our food. If you think you have an issue with MCS, please inform yourself on the following websites, it's worth it:

And yes, you can recover from MCS:

Thanks for calling in!


Chemical, Cross Bone, Food, Guerrilla, Labels, Mcs, Multiple, Packaged, Paint Balls, Perfumes, Poison, Preservatives, Scull, Sensitivity, Shopper, Slingshot, Supermarket, Warning

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author avatar chrysolite
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author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
4th May 2015 (#)

Thanks for sharing your article. I think growing our own food is by far the best. I've given up most of my meat and I think chicken is on the way out too. I just can't deal with meat anymore. I've read too much and studied too much. As far as the slingshot I can't go along with that but I do hear what you are saying. I hope you have fully recovered.

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author avatar chrysolite
4th May 2015 (#)

Thanks, Nancy, I have recovered, but still feel a bit weak, but I reckon I'll be fine soon.

Don't worry about the slingshot, I do have one and am training with it, it's a good sport. But it was a joke that I'm going to a supermarket with it! ;)

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
4th May 2015 (#)

Ha ha, very funny. Yes growing your own is best but avoiding processed foods is just as important.

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author avatar chrysolite
4th May 2015 (#)

Of course, Mark! And we do as you do, too. Organic home grown is best! But even I am a child of this modern society and every so often I just love to eat a bit of those good German sausages, but this time it went all horribly wrong. Back to carrots, leeks, onions and garlic which grow plentiful in my circle garden.

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author avatar Melissa Dawn
4th May 2015 (#)

Oh Chrysolite! I have missed your humor! Excellent share my friend! After suffering allergic reactions myself I can relate.

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author avatar chrysolite
4th May 2015 (#)

Thanks, Melissa! I missed all of you, too! I was so busy with my circle garden and there is still more to do, soon I'll have an article up gardening under a geodesic dome which I'm constructing right now.

I'm really sorry to hear that you, too, can relate to allergic reactions of this kind. Maybe more people do and don't even know about it. I could have written a more serious article about it, but well, people seem to be so bored with all this false and confusing "health" advice. Oh well, let's soldier on! :)

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
5th May 2015 (#)

I can well relate to what you have experienced, Chrysolite - been there, done that. Sometimes, the poison is well camouflaged within attractive packaging! siva

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author avatar chrysolite
5th May 2015 (#)

I'm sorry to hear that you can also relate to MCS. Maybe there are a lot more people out there and just don't realize where such sudden violent pains come from!

You are right, the packaging is all! And the small print doesn't always give the whole list of ingredients.

So I keep on growing my own food as much as I can and try to only buy food labelled organic which never gave me grief in the past.

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