Soda Elimination for Beginners

Emily By Emily, 18th Dec 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

If you thought having to get rid of expired soda is boring and gross, read on!

Getting Started

My youth group recently had to throw away four full boxes of expired soda because the cans were becoming deflated and gross. At first, we were just popping them open, turning them upside down, and letting them empty down a drain. Then, we figured out more exciting ways to ditch the soda. The methods worked out so well that I figured they are worth sharing with you.
Before you get to the fun part, you need a place that is away from cars, windows, and people. An old town street in the evening serves this purpose best, but anywhere fitting the conditions is great. If you ever find yourself in need of a more fun way to throw old sodas out, here are some options.

To Tree or Not to Tree

First, throw the cans at a tree. It may sound ridiculous, but it results in a lot of laughter. Watch out for innocent bystanders because getting a surprise soda shower is not much fun. Also, make sure no breakable objects are near or around your target. People usually do not appreciate getting their possessions damaged by flying soda cans.
Get a can and shake it until no dents can be made in it. Don’t shake too much, though. It could explode in your hand. After the shaking is done, fling the fizzed-up can at a nearby tree. A gentle toss won’t do the trick. You will need full force behind your throw. It may take more than one try to get the can to rupture, but once it does, watch out! The soda flies everywhere and the can tears into pieces. This activity can go on until you run out of sodas or want a different way to get the job done.

To the Ground!

Second, you could throw the sodas on the ground. Similar to the tree option, you need to shake the soda can to the bursting point. Instead of chucking it at a tree, however, you hurl it at the ground. This does not take as much force because gravity does most of the work. Swing your arm straight above your head and hammer-throw it down, taking the soda can with it. When your arm is pointed straight at the ground, let go of the can. This option is a little messier than throwing it at a tree because the soda sprays right back at you.
If you have no tree in sight and don’t want to get soaked by soda, you can throw it like a baseball at the ground. Position your body like a pitcher and swing your arm forward with the can. Instead of throwing the can straight out, you need to make it go down slightly. This can be done by letting go of the can a little later than a pitcher would. The trick is to get the can to hit the ground sooner than a baseball pitcher’s throw would. If you liked this last possibility, then you will love the next one.

If You Can Dodge a Wrench...

Third, you can play “dodge soda.” Like the popular game of dodge ball, you throw the object in play at each other. However, the cans replace the ball. The players need to be tough enough to handle getting hit with a can of expired soda and continue playing. The best cans to use for “dodge soda” are the half-empty ones, which time has softened and people have ignored.
Be cautioned: this game is known to cause moderate to severe bodily injury, even death. Only participate in this activity under close adult supervision. (Although when I play it, the “adult supervision” is playing with us.) **The author of this essay cannot be held legally responsible for any hospitalization required due to the injury of players.**

Batter Up!

After you get bored with those options, I have another game you can try out. This is called “soda-ball.” You guessed it! “Soda-ball” is just like baseball. Again, the half-empty cans work best. They pop better and will not damage your batting instrument. The players can use nearly anything for the bat and bases. A large stick and some trash bags, for example, work very nicely. In this game not many outfielders are needed because when the batter hits the soda can, the can usually bursts apart and goes forward only a short distance. After hitting the can, the runner takes off to first base. The rules of “soda-ball” can be made up as you go along or be similar to baseball’s rules. This game is fun, but does not get rid of cans quickly.
Also, be sure that the batter and catcher are wearing proper eye protection. Expired soda in the eyes is akin to getting an eyeful of lemon juice. Appropriate protection can be bought at nearly any hardware store. If soda does reach somebody’s eye, rinse the burning area with running water for at least one minute.
You and your team of soda assassins can use these tricks to rid yourself of unwanted sodas. Use your favorite option or use all of them.

Clean-up Time

Finally, after all the bad cans are either exploded or crushed, the dreaded clean-up begins. You will need to pick up all the cans used in the previously mentioned options. Search everywhere for soda carcasses: in the trees, down the streets, in the drains, and around any can-sized crevices. Seeing how the cans have ruptured is amazing. Many are twisted, some are torn in two, and others are ripped to shreds. Be careful with the edges. Getting cut with shards of aluminum is not the best way to end a fun day of soda elimination. If you do happen to get hurt, rinse the wound immediately, cover it lightly with an over-the-counter antibiotic ointment, and put a clean bandage on it.
After gathering the cans, take them to a dumpster or preferably your local recycling center. Rain can wash away most of the splattered soda. However, if the area is covered, you need to find a hose and rinse off everything inside. You will most likely be sticky. In the warmer months, a hose is a fun and efficient way to get clean. If the sun has not shown its face in some time, a quick rinse off in a shower or sink will do the trick. Now go check the expiration dates on any sodas you find. Happy soda sports!


Do It Yourself, Funny, Funny Experience, Funny Stories, Soda, Trash

Meet the author

author avatar Emily
Hi. I like to write. I am prolife. I love band and Jesus! I have played piano, violin, cello, clarinet, flute, sax, bells, crotales, and numerous other pit instruments. I am an amateur astronomer!

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author avatar ittech
19th Dec 2011 (#)


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author avatar Tranquilpen
26th Dec 2011 (#)

I was going to repeat some un inspired comment like. Great! but instead let me share, that towards the end, you pulled the kid out of me again and i suddenly remembered some kids pranks in my day. Us guys, would probably have started a "Bad soda" drinking competition, almost like a prehistoric "Fear Factor" competition, and last man standing kind of challenge. How gross is that? Thanks for sharing.

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author avatar Emily
26th Dec 2011 (#)

Haha. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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author avatar ittech
29th Dec 2011 (#)

good share informative

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author avatar Emily
31st Dec 2011 (#)

Thank you.

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author avatar ittech
3rd Jan 2012 (#)

Very good sharing. I like it.

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author avatar Emily
4th Jan 2012 (#)


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author avatar ittech
19th Jan 2012 (#)

very interesting writing . Keep going .

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author avatar stephaniemorris26
23rd Jan 2012 (#)

Very unique ideas, I enjoyed reading it.

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author avatar Emily
30th Jan 2012 (#)

Thanks, all!

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