Sharing a house with a zombie. Not Wikipedia.

christopheranton By christopheranton, 13th Feb 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Living with a zombie has it's good points, although the smell can be a problem.

At home with my dear zombie friend.

Before reading this story read these to get the full affect.

Zombie Chronicle 1

Zombie Chronicle 2

I must confess that if anyone had told me, Christopher Anton, that I would be sharing my house with a long dead, but still sentient and mobile, zombie I would not have believed them. But that is the situation, and it is one that I am very happy with.
Julian Haversham, my living dead housemate, is a very accomplished pianist and he more than pays his way here with the beautiful recitals of the classics that he plays for me each evening on the piano, that originally belonged to him, when he lived in my house in the early years of the last century.
I usually have to listen with scented balls of cotton stuck up my nostrils, as the strong smell of decomposition has not entirely been eliminated from my lodger, despite copious applications of furniture polish to his almost parchment like skin. Sometimes, when he is playing the more lively pieces like the "Flight of the Bumblebee" or The Minute Waltz, the movement of his body tends to send the naueseus internal gasses in little spurts of miasmic odiferousness into the surrounding air. On those occasions I have had to excuse myself, and leave the room in a hurry, lest I embarrass us both by vomiting on the carpet.

However despite these little problems things are going on very swimmingly between us. He really is a most charming and convivial companion. We often sit together in the evenings,(I prefer him to sit in profile as his breath is not of the best), while he regales me with anecdotes about his father Herbert Faversham, who was once butler to Queen Victoria, and a very virtuous, and upstanding gentleman by all accounts.
I have noticed recently that he was staring rather fixedly at me on several occasions, and his mouldy tongue would shoot out to caress his decomposing lips. I expect he is developing a taste for the furniture polish. Perhaps there are some vitamins in it that are essential to preserve his undead health.
He still eats around ten tins of catfood a week, which is apparently the staple of the modern zombie, and he has struck up a very close relationship with my beloved tabby cat, which is very gratifying to see.

Where is my landlord?

However enough of this domestic chit chat. My mind is much occupied this week with the curious case of the disappearence of my landlord Mr Stanislaus Gutterskunk. The peculiar thing about it is that he vanished just shortly after he left my house. What could possibly have happened to him?

It is the practice in this country for landlords to make scheduled inspections of their property, usually around every three months or so. When Mr Gutterskunk advised me by telephone that he wanted to make his customary visit, I told him that I would be not at home on the day specified, but that he could let himself in with the key that he possessed himself.I did not entirely trust my landlord. He had once said to me that he would "get rid of that old piano for me". He made it sound like he was doing me a favour, but I suspected that he had discovered that the instrument had a value after all. I didnt want it to go because it was the pride and joy of my unconventional housemate, but of course I could not say that to the landlord as he didnt know that Julian was living with me.
I never mentioned this conversation to my zombie friend either, as I didnt want to worry him. I expected the piano scheme would be forgotten about anyway. Landlords often talk a lot of rot, and Stanislaus Gutterskunk was no exception.

On the day of the inspection I told Julian to make certain that he stayed very quietly in his cupboard in the livingroom while the landlord was on the premises. I left a radio playing softly in the livingroom to hide the sounds of laboured breathing, and I left several very strong motion sensitive airfresheners there to deal with the pervasive smell of decomposition.
I then went out to keep my days appointments.

When I returned that evening I asked Julian how the day went. He seemed to be very happy in himself. He was lounging contentedly on the sofa, with a big smile almost cracking his cadaverous visage. My much loved tabby cat reclined beside him purring blissfully. They both looked rather replete.

"Looks like the catfood got a "caning " today" I joked.

"Something like that" Julian said.
"Oh! And the day went really well".

That night, when he played for me, I thought the piano sounded rather muffled, as if something was pressing against the strings.

"I will sort that out. Dont you worry about a thing" Julian said.

I felt very reassured to have such an obliging best friend.

Three days later the police visited while I was in. They wanted to know if I had any idea what might have happened to Mr Gutterskunk, who had vanished without trace.
It is all very mysterious. Nothing could have happened to him when he was at my house.

Read this to find out the fate of Mr Gutterskunk.

Tags

Fear Of Zombies, Inspection, Landlord, Living With A Zombie, Mouldering Flesh, Mouldy, My Housemate Is A Zombie, Sharing A House With A Zombie, Smell Of Decomposition, The Dreaded Zombie, Walking Dead, Wikipedia, Zombie, Zombies Eat Brains, Zombies Eat People, Zombies Wikipedia

Meet the author

author avatar christopheranton
Born in Ireland, but living in London since 1986, my main interests are reading, studying history, politics, and theology, and looking after the welfare of my cat. I like to write on a variety of subjects, make general observations on lifes dilemmas....(more)

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Comments

author avatar R. Person
14th Feb 2011 (#)

LOL
This is incredibly random. I like it.

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author avatar christopheranton
14th Feb 2011 (#)

Thanks Rachel

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author avatar Carol
14th Feb 2011 (#)

I love your Zombie!

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author avatar christopheranton
14th Feb 2011 (#)

Thanks Carol.
He is multi talented.

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author avatar Denise O
15th Feb 2011 (#)

He really is multi talented. Like I said before, I am loving this series.
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar christopheranton
15th Feb 2011 (#)

You are welcome Denise.

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author avatar Greenfaol
10th Mar 2011 (#)

LOL, I just love this series, you really should try to get it published :D
Lavendar oil is very good at keeping stenches out, I've been told :op
Brilliant story, please keep em coming xxx

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author avatar christopheranton
11th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks Greenfaol.
I would try to get some stories published, but
I havent a clue how to go about it.

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author avatar Greenfaol
15th Mar 2011 (#)

Angelique Newman wrote an article on getting an agent, which is possibly a great start - http://writing.wikinut.com/How-to-Find-a-Literary-Agent/2-o25xvb/
I honestly think someone will pick this up. Don't forget to look at anime comics too :D

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author avatar christopheranton
15th Mar 2011 (#)

Thanks Greenfaol. I will look into it.
You have been very helpful.

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author avatar Funom Makama
1st Nov 2011 (#)

Your Zombie is really cool. I love your expressions and the way you let this out. Why not check out my story and tell me what you think. It was a 5 minutes inspiration I wrote down and I am scared it may not be as great as I thought.
http://writing.wikinut.com/Just-in-a-split-second/1drekc8s/

Nice work and please keep it up

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author avatar christopheranton
4th Nov 2011 (#)

Thanks for your kind words.
I will check yours out now.

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