Secrets Your Demon Won't Tell you.

Count SneakyStarred Page By Count Sneaky, 15th Jun 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1f1r0gq5/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Information, near poetry, lies, corporate lies and pure garbage from Hades new and revived PR department to inform clients and Demons, Fiends and Devils of Hades by the River Styx and all of its multiple sights and sounds.

Secrets From Fur and Fang, Things They Didn't Tell You. Demonic Secrets,

Written by Demoness Donna Dump for Digested Readers
1. Nothing is more fun than a sackful of ferrets. Your young one can carry the sack to school and when teach becomes more boring than, say, reading Jane Austen, they can release them one by one creating general chaos, panic and general hysteria. Old demon secret.
2. Your young demoness can be very hysterical and demonstrative by having a hissy-fit, taking off her training bra and hurling stones with it while screaming invectives at the top of her voice. Hissy- fits are an excellent way to reduce tension and stress and are effective regardless of age or sex. At this point, speaking of sex, it's time for the young sprouts to sit down with their parents and explain the latest clinical details and experimental sex to them with charts, photos, and artwork.

Creative Stress Inducers Continued.

3.Another way of reducing stress, and favorite demon secret, is to stuff some clients suggestion box with snakes and stand around while the poor box owner dumps the contents of the box on his desk and goes bonkers and has to be revived by our Heimlich Maneuver Team # 5639
4.Stress can be fun. Open a store selling college memorabilia and print all items with ink that will vanish on first washing. The ink is an old demon secret that is available from Demon Dugeon, Pit # Ru-66909, District UDB, Ash Heap Road, Styx Landing 43. Contribution required.
5. Collect old porno magazines for the nursing home in your division and have an above-ground operative scatter them on each seat at a political convention. Republican or Democrat? Your choice, Bozo...politics ain't brain surgery. It isn't rocket science either,
6. Go to an airline luggage area and cut the handles off each piece of luggage, then stand around and watch. This operation is a scream and the best party-ice breaker secret we know.
7.Go to your nearest porno library start a drum circle. As the drums pound creating a true infernal racket, start chanting and scratching. A howling stress-buster and birthday party novelty for the boys and girls, fiends, demons and devils..
8. Vote for your Local Demons and Fiends by having one of our above-ground operatives go to a cemetery and copy down names and dates from the tombstones. Then you will have a list of voters to use in the next district election that get your candidate elected. Yes. This is one of the oldest "secrets" in the vaults. The Chief uses it every election to get his stooges re-elected.

Other Demonic News Of The Week.

Congratulations to Demonesses, Dither, Nipple Rings, Donna Wanna, Lucille Lucid, Marlo Harlow, and Lilly Marlane for graduating magna cum laude from Scarlet Letter University last week. Way to go, ladies!
______________________________________________________
The Ladies Auxiliary of "Sundial In A Closet Society" announced today that this year's Annual Drunken Brawl will be held the week of August 32. Members are advised to start brewing some high-octane whisky now and to start filing their fangs and horns. It's going to be a real ball.
______________________________________________________

The Poet's Demonic Corner.

Down in the dumps where the air is foul.
Furtive creatures scurry and prowl,
While unknown things burrow and growl,
And dreadful things are left to howl.

!!!@##$%^^^&&()()###+++==$%!

There was an old dragon named Tuglo
Whose .internal fires were burning low.
So they posted the big lizard,
Along with an ancient wizard,
To the kitchen to bake cookie dough.
By Demon Dungeon ,Pit #684, Supervisor
______________________________________________________
Copyright 2012/ htstone Written by that old fiend Count Sneaky

Tags

Demonic And Fiendish Secrets, Fur And Fang Secrets, Helpful Fiendish Hints, Secret Stuff

Meet the author

author avatar Count Sneaky
A retired art director, creative director, and blogger of "Count Sneaky's Journal" Will focus on humor writing.

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Comments

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
18th Jun 2012 (#)

Well I know what I do with the hissy fitting demon. I usually throw them in a nice huge flame and burn them alive leaving carnage behind. It teaches them never to mess with me again.
Well no one would have been a bigger tomboy than me who whistled at the boys and girls alive and even got the teachers looking bewildered at who was whistling at them and always carried a Catapult, and a watergun in the pocket to shoot people. No taking off boulder carrying gear - its indignity as a female in whatever era.
Stress reliever?? Well I have tied ponytails on the long haired cat and even had a bow on its tail to make it look pretty.
Porn well I checked it out and threw up so realised if I needed to lose weight after eating junk watch that alothough you do learn few tricks without action from it. Cannot help wondering how the cockerel does so many and not die of AIDS at the same time.
I will show you how to open bags without destroying it and taking luggage from it. I learnt it from YouTube and all I need is a pen- I am a writer have lots of them.
Will tell you what God does when he is bored:
1) He would go okay I am bored lets have some fun today, lets go to Earth. Then dress like a man and then learn the ways of life and then try to execute it himself and get couple of mutant creature walking around like a cow with two heads and eight legs and three tails.
2) Next lets test it on humans and get a couple of siamese twins and get a crazy teacher to explain it to a class. One head and all one side, Two Leg and all one side, but One body two people talking.
3) Now poor Johnny went bicycle riding and tied the bicycle to a tree and never came back. I need to grow a tree, so lets see what happens if I lift that bicycle up and you get rusty bike seven feet high and a national phenomenon with some poor fool doing a conducted tour describing poor Johnny's bicycle stuck on top in good condition too.
4) Now God is Angry and he wants to play darts, he uses few thunderbolts, lightening darts to throw at couple of angels and they start to cry and what do we get rain.
5) Okay Now let me go tease my wife whom I just made cry and throw couple of hailstones and say make a ring and she screams shouts and shakes all her children up for a fight and creates a flood till he goes back to calm her down, taking her for a spin with premature seasons, playing nine pin bowling because he is crying and then she going don't cry and presenting a flower to him from the lush green meadows of her vast space and he is happy, for a while.
6) Now did I tell you he is an avid reader who checks records everywhere and then sits down to write his own stories and even rewriting evens causing amnesia in the demon world and amongst humans and animals at times causing many to walk into walls, drive cars backwards, look queer and cross gartered too. He also checks things out and changes things in a flurry wherein wrong becomes right and many go out of sight at the same time.
7) Now when he really needs humour he puts the Sun in charge creating extra heat and getting the whole lot of them to strip down and skinny dip in mass entertainment and then to add a little more fun cause a sudden thunderstorm and get the lot of them running for cover.
9) Now did I tell you this, its a secret, he spies on all of you and shoots tranquiliser darts just when things are getting a little to hot and steamy for him sending the lot of you to Noddy land where he gives you a lesson or two in spirit school.
9) When none of it works he sends a little angel back to show you the boons and banes being a little too playful in life without a mask.

Okay Nine of them are okay for now, I probably have done enough damage with the Higher ups to start crying again and have them running after me asking if I am okay as too much humour makes me cry. Its in balance now.

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