Right Shot, Wrong Patient!

TranquilpenStarred Page By Tranquilpen, 17th Feb 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/vruigadj/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

"I was about to sign out some case dossiers for the day, when Bruno, our pet name for the unit commander around which the physical attributes of "Sarge" in the Sad Sack comics must have been modeled, called me to his office. This always had a chilling air of foreboding about it... Hours of Hard Work, 7 Hours of Fun and 5 Hours of Sleep."

Enter, The Rookie "Keystone Cops"

As rookie cops, in S.A., you get to work in all units and divisions of the police force. And working at Durban Central 46th. precinct, there were so many more varied divisions to get posted out to. The law courts for example, were on the same block within walking distance, which brings me to my story.

Living in Durban South Africa at the age of 21, was an amazing adventure. My lifestyle consisted of a lunchtime coffee order at Colombo's deli, an espresso with extra foam, piping hot and good to go and a freshly baked "foot-long" chunk of french bread with a generous topping of chicken mayonnaise and green salad.

My two friends, a drop dead gorgeous blonde lady cop * Daleen, the real nucleus of our universe, and a fellow rookie cop nutcase named Jan. We worked hard and played even harder. Most of our days were made up of nine hours of hard work, seven hours of fun and five hours of sleep. Success for us was having great times.

A Bond That Would Last A Lifetime...

The inexorable bond tying us together was the fact that our fathers were cops too, two of whom were working at our Durban Central precinct, my dad the station chief, (not a good idea), and Jan's dad the quartermaster superintendent. Daleen's dad was a top detective and K9 specialist based a few hundred miles away, in a country town called Vryheid (Freedom).

I Arive At Room 10

Our unit at the time of this story, was called Inquiry Unit and handled mainly misdemeanors and escort duty. The latter, every rookie cop had dreaded since it entailed any kind of menial, often dirty kinds of work, the kind that other elitist departments avoided like the plague. One such job had my number stamped all over it in red letters that day and is the subject of this article.

"Do you know where room 10 is inside in the courthouse?" Our unit commander, nicknamed Bruno, barked at me. Off course I did, every cop in the unit knew that this was a destination to avoid, I thought. "Um, Yes sir." I stammered. "Take this document with you and collect a patient whom you must escort to the District Surgeon for evaluation" He said, as he handed me a brown manilla envelope.

One of the more unpleasant aspects regarding the psychiatric patients sent for evaluation and certification, is that in many of the cases, they were completely lucid and normal for long periods and quite able to sustain intelligent and often highly intellectual subjects of conversation, often reasoning on highly advanced topics, a matter which has caused many a greenhorn a serious dilemma when, without any warning these unfortunate people can change totally, almost in the wink of an eye.

This, then was my first actual encounter with such a person, as when I arrived at the infamous Room 10, I had met a, neatly groomed and well dressed, middle aged lady who greeted me enthusiastically. She readily engaged in some small talk about the apparent dangers of police work and soon I was starting to wonder whether she was perhaps one of the staff members, when a young woman in a business suit entered the room. She came up to me and handed me another slip of paper, as she spoke: "I see you have already met Mrs. Mary Sloane, would you please show her to the District Surgeon's office, Doctor Seager will see her now." I was noticeably stunned when it suddenly dawned on me that the person I was chatting with, was the patient.

"I'm Quite Normal Young Man," She said

Walking there, she suddenly asked me why I had gone so quiet all of a sudden: "I'm quite normal young man," She remarked. "this is one big misunderstanding, which unfortunately can only be clarified by the District Surgeon, it really is so embarrassing." She remarked. I was quite speechless and just could not believe what I was hearing and seeing.

At the doctor's examination room, I greeted Doctor Seager and handed him the brown envelope. I was about to leave the room and wait outside, when his assistant signaled me to stay. The Doc. proceeded to explain to Mrs. Sloan, what it was that he wanted her to do.

She readily accepted this and asked him to kindly continue. He started off by asking her what date it was, and she answered correctly, next he asked her who the President of the country was. This made her laugh and she answered correctly once again. So it continued for about an hour with the Doctor asking questions and her answering them correctly every time.

I Had Some Serious Doubts About Who The Patient Was

I was seriously starting to wonder who the real patient was, her or the Doctor asking some really silly questions, when all of a sudden, she refused to answer any more questions unless she first received something to drink. The aging doctor, poured her a glass of water from the decanter on his desk and handed it to her. She took one sip and swore at him saying that he was taking her for a fool by handing her stale water. He faced her with a shocked look on his face, his hand tapping his chest with a gesture of indignation and was about to explain that the water was quite fresh, when she took the glass and emptied it's entire contents over his head.

I was quite shocked at this and it took me a moment to contemplate what to do about this situation. I decided to rush forward and make a grab for the empty glass. Doc Seager, now quite drenched was busy wiping his glasses with his handkerchief when Mary made a grab for the half full decanter and immediately emptied the rest of the water over him, drenching him for the second time.

At this point, she was laughing hysterically while pointing to the Doc's now disheveled hair. His appearance was extremely funny, and I probably would have laughed too, where it not for the fact that she was capable at that point, of almost any violent behavior .

(5) The Doctor Approached Mary From Behind, Clutching a Giant Full Syringe.

The Doctor had composed himself and had filled a syringe with a powerful tranquilizer, sufficient enough in strength, to put a healthy person into an instantaneous deep sleep. He was approaching the desk and was motioning me and his assistant to slowly "close in" on Mary from opposite sides.

All seemed to be going great as she merely stood dead still appearing to be deep in thought. I put my arm around her, holding her arms tightly against her torso, while the Doc's. assistant knelt down holding her feet together.

"Silly Woman, Got Me Good, Phone The Medics, quick!"

Doc. Seager was approaching from behind her, Syringe, poised and ready to inject the tranquilizer into her upper thigh when she sort of twisted halfway around, which freed her right arm and which I managed to grab and pin down again.

Not quick enough apparently, since at the end of her arm was the now drained syringe. Both the assistant and myself were completely shocked at the swiftness with which she managed to grab the syringe from the Doctor behind her. I had just managed to remove it from her hand when I noticed the Doctor yawn and starting to weave around unsteadily on his feet.

For a moment I thought that he had suffered a stroke or a heart attack when he spoke, saying over and over: "she bloody got me, silly woman got me good, the full shot." he said. "you had better lock the door and phone the sanitarium for assistance, I'm getting very drowsy now, must sit down." He said with a slurred voice, and with that, he yawned and slowly sank down onto his chair and with a silly grin on his face, rapidly fell into a deep sleep.

In the mean time Mary had returned to normal and was asking why the Doctor was sleeping, to which the assistant replied that he was feeling a little tired, to which she replied that the Doc. shouldn't be doing such a strenuous job at his age. The sister and I merely exchanged knowing glances.

The orderlies from the sanitarium were there in no time and took Mary Sloane to her new lodgings, where she was to remain for the next four years, when I received a call from Doctor Seager's assistant one afternoon, informing me that Mrs. Sloane had died peacefully in her sleep, earlier that day.


Moral: "In order to succeed, you must fail so that you know what not to do next time." Anthony J D'Angelo


Enjoyed this true funny story, why not share some of your own stories and get paid for them

Other funny stories by the same author:

http://www.wikinut.com/voyage-of-the-wobbling-duck/hjtf5739/3-1l30v_/

http://www.wikinut.com/the-wrong-shake-up%21/28a5l109/20bljzkz/

http://www.wikinut.com/so-i-cheered-up-and-guess-what-happened-next%21/3f.qm2czsa2m9rz/


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Andre G Hartslief, Cop, District Surgeon, Doctor Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Story, Humour, Internet, Jokes, Mental, Mentally Disturbed, New, Policemen, Precincts, Short Stories, Tranquilpen, Uniforms, Writing For A Living, Writing For Cash, Writing For Money, Writing For Pay, Writing Jobs, Writing Site, Writing Web Content

Meet the author

author avatar Tranquilpen
As Andre' Hartslief, I strongly believe, that In life, there are no justified resentments.”We the old legends will become relics and fade away, while new giants emerge in our world of sobering truths.

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Comments

author avatar Melissa Dawn
18th Feb 2012 (#)

I love medical humor and this was a great one!

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Glad you liked it Mel, I have a few more. Thank you for reading:-))

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author avatar Songbird B
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Wonderful humorous story Andre'...This made me chuckle a lot my friend..Loved the images!

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Dear Bev, been busy marketing some of my articles the past few days, It was worthwhile so far and readership has gone through the roof. Got meself a few $ for the effort. I still have a way to go then it's just cruising basically. I was wondering if people needed to know a few shortcuts. Perhaps a basic how to article? Thank you for reading :-)) X

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author avatar Songbird B
20th Feb 2012 (#)

If many are like me, Andre', any help and advice on promoting our work is always welcome. I know so little about this and I am guessing that I might not be alone in this..

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author avatar Carolan
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Such a fun piece Andre...makes you wonder sometimes who is sane and who not!!!!!!

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Carolan, thank you for reading. In my brief tour of duty as a cop, I sure saw some pretty convincing evidence in support of your comment:-))

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author avatar ittech
18th Feb 2012 (#)

interesting writing again . Thnx for sharing .

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello I Tech, like your logo, Thank you for reading this story, I was busy doing some serious online marketing, been worth it. Keep well.

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author avatar M G Singh
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Nice post. Made fun reading

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Madan, nice of you to read my post. Thank you.

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author avatar Md Rezaul Karim
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Interesting and nicely written.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Rez, thank you for the compliment, it means a lot to me. Thank you also for reading.

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello, Andre: I read this out to a friend and he said, "Another Chapter in the Nut House Chronicles". I agree. Thank you.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Or perhaps a sequel to "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" Lol. Thank you for reading Ivy.

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author avatar Steve Kinsman
18th Feb 2012 (#)

Fascinating post Tranquilpen. It takes a special individual indeed to be a cop.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Steve, I stuck it out for five years and Daleen, my wife, (the one in the story) and I, both quit. I mention that working under my dad wasn't a great idea, well that was why. I then did a course in H.R.management and Industrial Safety engineering in which I remained for the rest of my working life, More or Less. Thank you for reading.

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author avatar Teila
18th Feb 2012 (#)

This is fantastic! Fun to read and I loved the characters.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hi Teila, thank you for your inspiring comment:-))

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author avatar Retired
19th Feb 2012 (#)

What fun! Thanks for the wit...and chuckles.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Thank you for your positive comment RDN:-))

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author avatar Buzz
19th Feb 2012 (#)

LOL. What a hilarious page, my friend. It made my day, haha!

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Howdy! Buzz, glad it gave you a bit of a laugh. Thanks for reading.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hilarious, I am sure it is just a story. Written with facts to educate too. And where did you get the pictures? Would have loved to see the drenching one too! Nice work, TP - siva

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Siva The story happened as told, Doc Seager was a most controversial figure and at the center of many a laugh over the years. Photos are from free Flickr.com The real lady cop in the story, my wife, is far better looking. Lol.

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author avatar Sheila Newton
19th Feb 2012 (#)

What a great piece. Don't know if you told the story straight or whether you added a few of your own funnies - but hey - brilliant reading. Loved it. Loved the images too.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Sheila, The only fib is the sentence where the doctor tapped his chest indignantly, that was to bring some realism to the photo of that doctor. and off course, some names were changed as well. Thank you for reading:-))

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author avatar NancyG in TN
19th Feb 2012 (#)

very good!

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author avatar Tranquilpen
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hello Nancy G happy to meet you! So glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for reading.

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author avatar Teila
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Enjoy reading through the comments as well as reading the story. Fun!

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author avatar Tranquilpen
20th Feb 2012 (#)

With comments such as yours, you'll have me clamoring for my pen to jot down more of these funny articles. Thank you for returning for another read:-))

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author avatar Funom Makama
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Loving every bit of this piece.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Thank you Funom, glad you liked it.

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author avatar Delicia Powers
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Amazing and wonderful thanks ranquilpen!...:0)

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author avatar Tranquilpen
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Thank you Delicia. Glad you enjoyed it.

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author avatar ittech
25th Feb 2012 (#)

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing another great article.

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author avatar Han Van Meegerin
29th Feb 2012 (#)

Very enjoyable read. The leg pose reminded me of Angelina Jolie.

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