Retirement Plans for the Lazy

Pattie E. Byrd By Pattie E. Byrd, 5th Apr 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

Planning for retirement can be stressful, especially if you're lazy. Here are a few tips that might help those of us who do not wish to work hard enough to accrue a nest age for the future. A little planning can go a long way toward that financial freedom of the future.

Simple Retirement Plans for Those Who Don't Like Work

Recently I was presented with the opportunity to write an article about helpful hints to plan for retirement using my own experience. As I thought about what I would tell others, I realized I'm not the best example. But nevertheless, I do have some helpful guidelines for those interested.

Planning for Retirement Hint No. 1:

If at all possible, marry for money instead of love. That way even if your marriage doesn't work out, you should be left with enough money to at least get a good strong financial base to start saving for your retirement.

Planning for Retirement Hint No. 2:

Try to invent something that will take the world by storm and make you independently wealthy. Sell it for $19.99 and market it through infomercials. I suggest the emcees for your product dress provocatively and always seem overly excited about how useful your product is. Also, if possible, sponsor a car in the NASCAR circuit. That name plastered on the hood of a car gets a lot of attention.

Planning for Retirement Hint No. 3:

Live with relatives as long as possible and allow them to foot any bills you might incur such as food, housing and utilities. Bum rides with anyone available and put any money you manage to accumulate into savings. When living with relatives, it’s always best to look like your down and out, so always look like you’re depressed.

Planning for Retirement Hint No. 4:

Be especially nice to any relative who has money, the older the better. Always listen to them as they repeatedly tell you the same old stories and always, always laugh the loudest at their bad jokes. Not only is their money at stake, property and jewelry may be available.

Planning for Retirement Hint No. 5:

Never have children. I know this one is harsh, but unless you've managed to achieve Hints No. 1 or 2, you'll never have enough money to afford children. Children are a permanent fixture that will cost you about 1.3 million dollars before it’s all said and done.

Planning for Retirement Hint No. 6:

If all your efforts have failed and you find yourself at retirement age with no substantial means of support, spruce yourself up and try Hint No. 1 again. Who knows, the second time around may work out better for you.

Remember it's never too late to start planning for your retirement.


Family, Family Relationships, Humour, Relationships, Retirement, Retirement Income, Retirement Living, Retirement Strategy

Meet the author

author avatar Pattie E. Byrd
Pattie is a freelance writer specializing in humor commentary. She retired from working in the exciting world of legal administration. Pattie has been published in several magazines and on several websites. Although humor is her first love, she of...(more)

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author avatar Tony Barnes
5th Apr 2012 (#)

Nice article...welcome aboard.

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author avatar Val Mills
5th Apr 2012 (#)

LOL, well I bombed out on the first and I'm convinced our son lives by Hint 3! I like your writing style.

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author avatar Tranquilpen
9th Apr 2012 (#)

Hahahaha! Great! A warm welcome to the wikinut community.

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author avatar Hickory Cottage
9th Apr 2012 (#)


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