Post Kisses Procedure-PKP 2.0 A Software Program.

GV Rama Rao By GV Rama Rao, 4th Apr 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

A new software program especially designed for novices in the world of romance and love. This is an upgrade of program PKP 1.0.

Post Kisses Procedure-PKP 2.0 A Software Program.

Welcome to the PKP 2.0 program.
Congratulations for successfully executing the first kiss with our Pre-Kiss Program –PKP 1.0
You must have experienced the delight beyond words. It is recommended you continue to use it for long, as the first kiss is only a preamble to, or precursor of many excellent things.
To enjoy these pleasures life long, sign up for our program.

I hereby agree to forgo or undertake the following as a trade off for the benefits accruing from this program.
1. Freedom of speech- I will speak only when allowed to and in monosyllables.
2. Freedom of action- I will keep my roving eye under check and stick to the program even when I find a program better than what I have.
3. Freedom to yield to temptations—I will give up old habits: drinking, smoking, playing golf, Saturday night out with buddies and allied matters.
4. I agree to help in the kitchen, clean vessels, change diapers when needed and carry out any other tasks assigned to me without whining.
5. I promise to watch on the Internet and TV only those shows cleared by the program.
6. I promise not to make noise beyond the decibel level permitted.
7. I will forgo my financial freedom and manage my finances always after clearing every deal with the program.
8. I will not take offense if I am called a moron or HPH (hen pecked husband) or any such other derogatory terms by friends and colleagues.
9. I will abide by any other conditions as and when the program demands.
Click on step 2 to install PKP 2.0.

Step 2.

When the smooch had gone through smoothly, you must have heard bells in your mind. The pealing of bells signifies God was in heaven, and all was well with the world, especially your world. God likes to see people kissing instead of fighting and helps those who kiss, keep kissing and kiss and make up when necessary.
Now, to press forward, do not prolong the kiss. You need to come up for air, anyway. This is only a tactical withdrawal and not to be misconstrued as defeat or throwing in the towel.

It is for regrouping or recouping before making the second and subsequent attempts. You need to soften the target further till it drools over you and swoons in your arms.
Go to the Tools and select from the drop down menu one of the following: sending bouquets of exotic flowers at regular intervals, paying compliments by bushels, serenading, cooing sweet nothings, writing verses, sending messages of love either in the form of letters or text. Select the appropriate item depending upon your talent.

The mellifluous poems, racy prose and smart text should describe each visible part of the target and give a vivid account of the first encounter in a flowery language peppered with wisdom and wit, borrowed if necessary. Words have a telling effect on these targets, which can withstand and even counter the strongest weapons but fall hopelessly for kind words spoken with passion or in a novel fashion.

Go to Help to select a well prepared short speech, the long and short of which will say the kiss was heavenly and sublime. Long speeches are not recommended as they turn off the target and put you back to square one.

Step 3.

Follow the Focus prompt and shift kisses to the peripherals, eyes, cheeks, ears, forehead and finally the lips (without prizing them open) but not necessarily in that order. Remember to pay a suitable compliment after each kiss. For compliments, go to Archives or use your own innovative terms. Remember, eyes, the window of the soul, merit the choicest words. Click on Eyes and you will find unique lines like, “Your beautiful eyes seem to have been specially designed for kissing also.”

Step 4.

Step 4.
During the first kiss, you were advised to check the front of the target. While kissing the peripherals, let the free hand roam and explore the rear, or to be precise, the derière, which has a highly significant role in this program. A well rounded bottom may look marvelous on sculptures or Rembrandt’s works of art, but go for a cute, small and shapely butt as it will be a delight to watch and play with, later. On completion of step 4, you should have a correct appraisal of the vital parameters of the target. A bud called love should pop up in your heart now. If it doesn’t, close this program, revert to the earlier program and start afresh with a new target.

Steps 5 & 6.

Step 5.
This step is designed to conquer the heart, the last and vital fortress of the target. Most hearts have a mind of their own. To make the target’s heart grow fonder of you and long for more action, withdraw, again a tactical retreat, to regroup and continue the battle at a time and place of your choice. The target should be left to simmer for some time depending upon its softness and, anyway, not exceeding a week; a week is too long a period in politics and love. Utilize this break to coo sweet nothings over the telephone or cell phone to prepare the target for the final assault. The bud of love would have grown to a full bloom.

Step 6.
This is the final and irrevocable step to be executed only after a thorough assessment of the target in its entirety. Click on ‘Special Tools’ and select one of the following: choicest wines, dinners in posh restaurants, cheek to cheek dancing, glib talk, necking, smooching, inviting the target to your room for a night cap or to view your paintings.

Follow up this step with sail boat rides, walks in the parks or on the beach, dinners in reputed restaurants, shaking a leg to enrapturing music for a quickstep or a waltz/salsa and progress to hugs and passionate love making.

Step 7.

Step 7.
Now to progress from hugs to the whole hog, get yourself a tuxedo or a similar dress with a carnation in the lapel. Practice walking on the aisle to the altar or tying a few knots wearing a kindly smile. This may be your only chance in life. On the W-Day wear your dress, sport your best smile, walk the aisle and when asked, say just a couple of words “I do”. Make sure you say them loud and clear. With these two magical words, you can log on permanently to the program. Viola! Your life will now be full of kisses and bliss. The screen will flash a message, “If love is the best thing in life, then the best part of it is the kiss.”

Of late, a few hackers under the guise of psychiatrists are spreading a virus called mammomancy, a form of fortune telling. It says by examining closely, sagely and completely objectively, the cleavage, nipples and bust, one can determine a woman’s personality and her characteristics. Be warned such unproved techniques are fraught with danger and may land you in the cooler or worse still; the woman may want to conduct a phallomancy as a quid pro quo.

Cheers! Good luck.


Agreement, Compliments, Freedom, Hugs To Whole Hog, Kiss And Make Up, Mammomancy, Necking, Pealing Of Bells, Peripherals, Phallomancy, Sail Boat Ride, Serenading, Smooching, Software, Sweet Nothings, Trade Off, Vital Statistics, Walk In The Park, Walk The Aisle, Wisdom And Wit

Meet the author

author avatar GV Rama Rao
I am a retired naval officer and a published author with three books to my credit. I am a winner of nanowrimo competition for 2008,9, &10. I like humor best..

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author avatar Buzz
4th Apr 2012 (#)

Your hilarity is awesome, GV. Loved your humour.

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
5th Apr 2012 (#)

Many thanks for your comment.

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