Ladies, not feeling fresh today? Try freshening up with Lysol Douche!

BrightRaven By BrightRaven, 5th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

You wouldn't believe what household products American women used as contraception's in the early 20th century, products which we still use to this day!

Forget Massengil Ladies! Try Lysol instead!

Not feeling fresh today? Freshen up with Lysol douche!?

There’s nothing more in this world that I enjoy than researching the plight of women and their ancient vagina poisoning techniques of contraception. Not to mention that having your vagina smell like a summer’s eve will inevitably save your marriage! Please know that I have not lost my mind and have found proof in my findings that women in the early 20th century used household cleaning supplies to clean the funk out of the vaginas.

The truth is that in the 1920′s and 1940′s American women used and advocated the use of Lysol as a feminine hygiene product and on the down low your home girl would tell you that you could use this product post-coitally to prevent getting pregnant!

Well I guess the use of Lysol is a grand technological improvement compared to the 13th thru 19th century’s grotesque forms of contraception and vaginal freshening. Such contraceptives used were cat innards – preferably the liver of a cat, to be worn on your left foot or the testicles in a tube around your neck to ward off contraception. I don’t know what’s worse, cleaning my vagina with the same disinfectant I use to mop the floor or wearing cat nuts around my neck. In addition to testicles it has even been written that dung or feces were used as a contraceptive. This shitty method is most effective in keeping a lover at bay.

Medical historian, Elizabeth Connell writes. ” 13th century women were advised to urinate in wolf’s urine to avoid pregnancy.”
Seen any wolves lately? Like most women I have been told by my gynecologist not to douche, even more specifically no harsh perfumes or dyed soaps. I was recommended to use hot water and nothing else. Wow, this was hard for me to grasp since I so wanted to smell like a young nymph frolicking in the grass. But, I followed instructions and when I deviated I suffered the consequences.

If you don’t know what bacterial vaginitis is let me tell you. Basically your vagina has good bacteria and bad bacteria that keep it balanced. When you douche you clean it all out! This can cause an overgrowth of several different types of bacteria leaving you with a white grayish discharge and your vagina smelling like week old salmon.

In the advertisements for the Lysol douche they claim that vaginal freshness is the key component to marital bliss. Of course women who need Lysol are married because these are the only women having sex. These Lysol douche products not only keep you fresh but can stop unwanted pregnancies, post coitally. But in reality the more you use it the more you will need it.

Guaranteed you use this once and the smell of fishy vagina will continue to burn the hairs out your nose, so you keep using it. Sounds like a pretty good marketing scam to me! Some women in the ads are completely oblivious that their husbands have backed away from them and are not as intimate with them because they are cheating or worse don’t love them anymore. Awe, so sad. When all the while their vagina’s smelled like fish markets!

I can’t say that I am glad to be in a society where “we know better now” because we don’t know douche! I wonder what products we are using now that will be considered hazardous to women’s health in 50 years. Maybe that douche you’re using now will later be used to flush out carburetors or kill wild boars. Who knows? I do know one thing for sure, if you use Lysol as a douche you will be one less vagina having heifer.

Guaranteed.

Tags

Bacterial Infection, Lysol Douche, Twentieth Century Contraceptives, Vaginal Infection, Vaginal Itching, Vaginal Odor, Vaginitis, Women Discrimination, Women Sex Life, Womens Health, Womens Issues, Womens Rights

Meet the author

author avatar BrightRaven
I've published articles for 'One Love Caribbean' a local Houston newspaper on love, dating and relationships, having at one time my own column named, ‘Meeting in the ladies room’.

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