If cats could talk, what would they say?

James Sirois By James Sirois, 27th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

A comical look at cats and what they might say if they could talk.

The Feline; Strong, independent, neurotic, nocturnal, intelligent and loving

Cats have been part of my life for a very long time. I have bred them, raised them and loved them. I can’t say that I owned them, because that would not be a true statement, but rather they owned me is a more accurate account. I respect the cat for its fierce independence and somewhere in my subconscious I have direct knowledge of their highly evolved spirit. When I look in to their eyes, I know that they are somehow speaking to me using a telepathic cord to connect to my less evolved conscious. But I wonder, I wonder what they would say to us if they were allowed the privilege of speech? I can only guess and surmise, but this is what I feel they would say;

If you have time to read that newspaper or book, then you must have time to pet me!

Cats are magical beings that can sense the opening of a newspaper or book from every dimension of the Universe. Why is it that I must hide in a corner of a dimly lit room with all entrances sealed off from the outside world just to read a paper or book? The Cat, that’s why! I have yet been able to read for more than, let’s say, three minutes before I am pounced upon and my cat is positioned upside down on whatever I am reading, pawing for my sole attention. It’s a ploy that works and I fall for it every time.

Have you noticed that I lick my bum, so it really doesn’t matter what flavor of cat food you buy me!

Cats are said to be finicky eaters, but I must protest that observation. It’s not that they are picky, but because they have been spoiled by the delicacies of their persons. I really don’t believe that they sit around and grumble about the bounties placed before them, and for that matter, about the food that cats prefer as stated on many television commercials. Yet, I have been witness to several occasions where upon my cats have tried to cover and bury the food before them. My reply to them; you lick your bums and I can’t imagine that your backside tastes better than the turkey and cheese pate that you just tried to make disappear. After all, isn’t that what you just told me?

I hear you calling my name, but I am choosing to ignore you.


Cats feel that it is their obligation and dignified right to ignore our wishes and commands. I am quite sure that I once heard my cat say to me; “What do you think I am a dim witted dog?” As frustrating as this may be for the person that the cat owns, you must admit how silly and condescending we must look from their prospective. “Unless you have catnip or cat treats, give me one good reason why I should interrupt my nap and physically move myself just to please you? I think not!” I’m sure that my cat has fired these words at me on multiple occasions. But still I shout out requests to them, and still I am ignored. I have so much to learn.

I left a present for you inside your shoe!

Cats are wonderful at giving; especially cats that get to play outdoors. I feel that it is in my best interest to appropriately learn to listen as to what my cat is saying for a multitude of reasons. I’m certainly sure that if I had, I would not have placed my barefoot into the slipper that had been transformed into a gift box containing a squishy surprise. Oh the embarrassments of screaming like a thirteen year old girl. Shoe and slipper checking has now become a personal ritual.

Cats are unique, you either love them or dislike them and there is no in-between. I believe that people who dislike cats were rats in a previous life. But that is just my opinion. I can state with utmost confidence that if Cats could talk, humans would not be the ruling animals.

Tags

Cats, Cats And Humans, Cats And Rats, Cats As Hunters, Cats As Pets, Cats At Home, Cats Playing, Feline, Felines, If Cats Could Talk

Meet the author

author avatar James Sirois
I am an avid writer and just recently published my first book.I enjoy writing about family issues, spirituality, health and the paranormal. I am a Shamballa(Reiki)MDH Practitioner level1&2

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Comments

author avatar cnwriter..carolina
27th May 2013 (#)

this is a lovely piece James and I believe cats have a strong sense of knowing...not like humans but of more sensitive awareness...

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author avatar James Sirois
27th May 2013 (#)

Thank you kindly cnwriter, Cats definitely have a sense of knowing. It's almost mystical at times. I believe they speak with their eye's.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
27th May 2013 (#)

Cats are direct communicators with the One Above and are known to bring the direct blessings from Above if treated just and well....
The rubbing of their body against the other human is a significance of leaving scent that you belong to me as they have seven points of scent on their body.
The act of bringing in small birds, squirrels from a hunt is the act of bewilderment that you don't hunt for your food and I have brought you gifts so that you eat food.
With regard to cleaning, cats are fastidious animals and love to keep their place clean. So even their sandpit has buried faeces. Well if they were able to toilet paper their bottoms like humans they probably would have but fact is that all animals clean their bodies some way or the other. Dogs rub their bottoms on the floor.
The styles of mewing signify the message they are trying to convey and I love doing this to them imitate their mew and they get so angry with me that they stop doing it and just climb my shoulder and sit there purring.
Cats are very independent and curious and very good at sensing danger and if you are sharp enough, they warn you about it.I always get my messages from them as I devised a style of talking to them right from childhood and it has always worked for me. It works well with dogs and birds too.
I love animals and work with them when I have a chance. Its taught me a lot more about the human way of life too. I am not going to show or tell how I do this but I know it works.

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author avatar James Sirois
27th May 2013 (#)

Lady Aiyanna, I absolutely love that fact that you present. My cats are my best friends. they know when I am down and try to give me comfort. I always talk to them and I know that they understand what I am saying.

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author avatar philpalm
2nd Jun 2013 (#)

I am pretty sure you could have written a long article on cats. By the way you wrote shows that you try hard not to show favoritism toward any of the animals because you love them all. Thank you for your comment.

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author avatar James Sirois
2nd Jun 2013 (#)

Your welcome. It is true I don't show favoritism to any my animal friends. I even had a pet squirrel who adopted me as her mother when she was very little. She lived outside and her name was Goshy. I think animals are directed towards me by St Francis! LOL

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author avatar Penny W-T
27th May 2013 (#)

I do so agree with your observations. In our house my cats would say -
'it's time for food' (repeated) and
'that's my bed space - so tough!' and
'no, this is MY chair'

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author avatar James Sirois
2nd Jun 2013 (#)

Bed space!!!!! What bed space? LOLOLOL litle furnaces that keep you nice and toasty, especially when you wake up and they are on your head!

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author avatar Connie McKinney
27th May 2013 (#)

James, very funny but also very true. My cats are the same way. Thanks for sharing.

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author avatar James Sirois
27th May 2013 (#)

So glad to share my observations, Anyone who is owned by a feline understands the complexity of our relationships.

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author avatar Mariah
27th May 2013 (#)

Ha Ha Ha nice one James, really witty up close and personal look at the feline brigade.
Clever animals, and if they could speak.. "you dogs always have to go outside to do your business, hail rain or shine, we cats have the 'ensuite tray' suckers lol
Mariah

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author avatar James Sirois
27th May 2013 (#)

Mariah, I'm still chuckling at your comment!!!!!! Thank you for the laugh!

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author avatar Songbird B
27th May 2013 (#)

A really enjoyable and witty article Jim, and a pleasure to read..I am more a dog person now but have been owned by cats in the past, and I have to agree with all you say..Clever creative write dear friend..\0/x

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author avatar James Sirois
28th May 2013 (#)

Thank you Bev, I also have a Yorky who I adore just as much as my feline friends! :)

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author avatar philpalm
2nd Jun 2013 (#)

Bev I look forward towards reading your POV about dogs.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
27th May 2013 (#)

I have 5 cats, and I am sure they all are saying the same thing.. feed me, pat me, play with me, let me outside... YIKES, it is raining... let me inside NOW!"

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author avatar James Sirois
28th May 2013 (#)

Hey Mark, I can totally relate as I have 6 cats right now. The oldest is 18yrs and the youngest is 2yrs. :)

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author avatar Retired
28th May 2013 (#)

Absolutely loved this! Cats are amazing little Beings. Thank you.

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author avatar James Sirois
28th May 2013 (#)

Denise, I am so glad you enjoyed this article and my cats said thank you also! :)

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author avatar Retired
31st May 2013 (#)

LOL! Love the communication...

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author avatar Md Rezaul Karim
28th May 2013 (#)

Nicely written article on cats...

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author avatar James Sirois
28th May 2013 (#)

Thank you!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
29th May 2013 (#)

Dogs and cats - both are pets and so understanding of the quirks of their masters, or is it the other way around? Thanks James for this lovely share - siva

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author avatar James Sirois
29th May 2013 (#)

I believe that we need them as much as they need us!

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author avatar philpalm
2nd Jun 2013 (#)

Thanks James for your article on cats. Unfortunately there is so many articles on cats it is hard to stand out as the exploited caretaker of cats.

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author avatar James Sirois
2nd Jun 2013 (#)

YUP!!! Maybe we need to start a help group for exploited caretaker's of cats. We would probably gain world dominance!

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author avatar Retired
4th Jun 2013 (#)

This article is all too true!

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