Humor: My cats C. and P. Strike Again!

Jack GoblinStarred Page By Jack Goblin, 9th Dec 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

The further adventures of my two cats, who have made a career out of doing irritating and confounding things.

Tales (and tails) of Two Cats

As I have revealed in previous articles, I have two cats. Whose names, for purposes of anonymity, I abbreviate here as P. and C.. These two little mouse molesters are demanding, unpredictable, and confusing. In other words, they're normal cats. And therefore, experts at being irritating.

It's not just me they spend their days tormenting, however. Brothers or not, C. and P. can bug each other a great deal as well. Although C. tends to be the one doing these things and P., his put upon victim. I'll give some examples, so people understand what I deal with.

Dining arrangements

To explain the first one: C. is on a special, hypoallergenic diet, which he fortunately likes OK. That sort of food, though, doesn't hold a candle to the normal stuff I feed P., who isn't on a diet of any kind so far. C. craves the Friskies and high protein kibble that P. gets, and has no problem shoving his brother aside at the food bowl to consume such delicacies.

All the more so right now because I'm feeding him less and exercising him more to try to cut down his weight and keep him from being such a fat cat. To prevent the big bully from the sin of food theft, therefore, I have to make special arrangements.

I do this by taking P. into the bathroom, laying out the food, and then leaving and closing the door behind me so he can dine in peace. I don't close it completely, though. Just to the point that the door, which opens outward, is resting against the jamb but not all the way in and latched.

When meal time is a struggle

This has proven to be doubly effective. C. has so far been unable to figure out how to pull it open, and so can't get in to filch his brother's meal. P., on the other hand, knows that when he's done eating he just has to shove against the door and he'll be able to get out. Of course once he opens the door then C., who almost always lies in wait outside, usually rushes in to eat any leftovers. The bathroom door squeaks as it opens, though, and when I hear that I know it's time to intervene. I can often keep C. from making a pig of himself if P. - who is a finicky and messy eater - has left any appreciable amount behind.

This is the way things usually go. But for the incident of which I speak, there was no 'squeak'. Rather, a persistent, soft 'cre-THUD', 'cre-THUD', repeated irregularly. Naturally, as a long time cat owner, my initial reaction was "I don't want to know what they're doing now. I can only take so much." But when the noise didn't go away, I got up and went to investigate.

The best laid plans of cats and men...

I found that C. had gotten tired of standing around waited for P. to come out, and to conserve energy had plopped down on the floor and was laying there. However, he had chosen to plop down beside the bathroom door, with his back actually against it. Done eating, P. was pushing on the door, it was opening a bit - enough to begin to creak - and then C.'s considerable bulk was pushing it back shut with a thud.

C., being shoved from behind, was looking about in confusion as his brother kept trying to force the door open. But although being shaken, he wasn't stirring and continued to just lie there, an immoveable object.

Name dropping

"This is why cats never win Noble prizes," I explained to him. "Not even Schrodinger's." He was trying to figure that one out when I picked him up and moved him away. I was going reach for the door but P. anticipated me, heaving it open himself and scrambling out, unsure what was going on but determined to get while the getting was good.

I put C. down and, with the door open, he of course dashed into the bathroom to chow down. I thought of going and getting him to keep him from scoring some off-diet food, or closing and locked the door behind him, but decided to just walk away instead. Muttering "Cats..."

This is your cat. This is a box. This is your cat in a box...

The second incidence came days later. I was going through some boxes, including a copier paper box which I had recycled and was now using to store a few items. It was mainly empty, however. The cats were watching my actions with rapt attention as I opened the box, using the tight fit of the lid and friction with the sides to prop it up at a 60 degree angle so I could look inside.

Naturally P. immediately leaped into the box. For some reason boxes fascinate cats and they can't resist them. P. looked around and turned around inside the box several times, then sat down on the contents and stared up at me. I stared back and pointed out to him I couldn't do much with him in the way. He of course ignored me. I sighed and turned away as C. began heading towards the box as well. One cat I could handle, but if they were going to start double teaming me I knew from bitter experience it was better to go off and do something else. I had hardly taken a step away, though, when I heard an odd 'whump' behind me, and turned to see what they'd done now.

C. strikes again!

Rather than jumping into the box, C. had jumped on the lid and driven it down. It hadn't seated properly in place, though, and a gap of two inches or so was between the lid and the top edge of the box. P. was peering through the gap with an expression that as good as said "HELP! What's going on? HELP!" and C. was sitting on the lid above, oblivious that he was holding his brother captive.

Both cats seemed concerned when I doubled over with laughter...

Silly kitties

Once I recovered I moved C. off and let P. out, of course. But they keep doing things like this: To me, to each other, even to themselves. C. has an annoying habit - to himself, as well as me - of sticking his head through the loops of plastic grocery store bags (usually while he's licking them; which is another annoying habit) and not being able to figure out how to get the bag off. Many times I've had to intervene as he's struggling with this weird THING that persists in following him as he moves about and that tugs on his neck. Nor is it just bags. One time, for reasons I cannot imagine, he got into my dirty clothes hamper; and I wound up confronted by a cat walking around wearing a pair of briefs about his neck. And an expression that said, " You will please REMOVE this... garment... and we will never speak of this again".

I don't need to put rubber noses and big shoes on my cats; they're always acting like clowns.

Some links to previous articles on my two little loveable lunatics,

P. Goes to the Dentist

C. Goes to the Dentist

The Origins of C. and P.

The Continuing Adventures of C. and P.

Media Source: The pictures of Schrodinger's Cat, the cat in the box, and silly cat, Wikimedia Commons. All others are mine.


Cat, Cats, Funny Stories, Humor, Irritating Feline Behavior, Pet, Pets

Meet the author

author avatar Jack Goblin
Was born. Haven't died yet. Don't intend to anytime soon.

Thank you much for reading my articles. I hope they brought you pleasure and enlightenment. :)

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
10th Dec 2014 (#)

I always love your cat stories!

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author avatar tafmona
10th Dec 2014 (#)

wow, the cats are so amazing animals

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author avatar Retired
10th Dec 2014 (#)

Thanks, Jack, for sharing your cat stories with us. As a cat lover myself, I find it amusing that their attitude to us is one of tolerant patience. After all, we are necessary to their comfort, but not to their survival.

I also appreciate the fact that you can verbalize what those strange looks mean to the cat. I do the same...

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