Humor: Jennifer? Jennifer who?

Jack Goblin By Jack Goblin, 11th Dec 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2tv5tphw/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

A woman named Jennifer is sending me propositions via e-mail. Some of them, indecent. Excuse me, have we met before?

e-mail e-mess.

So every day or so I open up my e-mail filter service to see what's there. Now and then there's actually a message in there I want that's been accidentally sidetracked. More usually it's dozens of once in a lifetime stock tips from people I've never met who insist I have to give them all my money NOW to become rich. Or fan mail from the friendly folks in Nigeria who've heard how honest I am and want to give me all THEIR money now; and will, once I send them a small amount to cover expenses. I should introduce them to the stock market people, they could all get along fabulously. And of course there are those missives written in no language I can read and which may not exist on Earth, that could be warning me of the coming end of the Earth for all I know.

But lately, I've been getting a lot of messages from Jennifer. Or Jenny, or Jen: She seems to not be able to settle on a specific name. And she's also got an amazing number of e-mail addresses, too. I don't think she's used the same one twice so far in sending me messages. Many MANY messages. She's a very prolific writer, is dear Jen.

The trouble is, the messages she sends are somewhat... confused. In some she says she likes my Facebook profile. Which is flattering, but I don't have one of those. In others she insists we've written before - although I have no memory of such - and now she wishes to re-establish communications. She often tells me odd tales of having broken up with her boyfriend and moved, by coincidence - she says - near me, with wishes she had some one to show her the town and treat her well. In others... well, sometimes, Jennifer is apparently a very LONELY young woman who believes in stating her desires plainly. She also seems to have a exhibitionist streak, as she frequently wants me to look at pictures of her... And wants to give me some sort of code that will enable me to do that for free once I join a certain website.

I have so far never replied to any of Jen-Jenny-Jennifer's messages. I fear the poor girl is living in an imaginary world revolving around me that I hesitate to disturb. She seems so desperate for human contact. Especially MY contact. I doubt I can live up to the elaborate fantasies it would seem she spins about our past. I suspect the poor girl needs psychiatric help. Or more friends.

Maybe I should introduce her to the Nigerians too...

Tags

E-Mail, Humor, Scam, Spam

Meet the author

author avatar Jack Goblin
Was born. Haven't died yet. Don't intend to anytime soon.

Thank you much for reading my articles. I hope they brought you pleasure and enlightenment. :)

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Comments

author avatar cnwriter..carolina
11th Dec 2013 (#)

oh dear it sounds like the A lady who bothers us all here...

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
12th Dec 2013 (#)

Ha Ha!! More likely if you click on websites she has in her message it will lead to porn sites -- she's hoping you're willing to pay to play... Even if "she" is a 4 foot troll whose given name is Eugene and he lives in his mother's basement supplementing his comic book collection budget. I have to laugh as I hit "delete." I laughed while reading your accounting of the issue. Your humor made the annoying into something fun to read!

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author avatar Jack Goblin
12th Dec 2013 (#)

You don't think Jennifer is sincere? But she's telling me about her kitty Boo and how she's following me on Twitter (which is pretty good since I don't have a Twitter account, either) and how she loves spontaneous frequent sex! If she's lying, then all I've got left are the Nigerians!!!

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author avatar Joyce Singha
22nd Aug 2014 (#)

Lol again. Dang. Those Nigerians won't leave you alone.

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
12th Dec 2013 (#)

Nice one!

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author avatar joyalariwo
13th Dec 2013 (#)

Hi Johhny I enjoyed reading your piece but wondered how the Nigerian route came in.

Even if you think she was from that part of the divide, I don't think its fair nor kind of you to paint all bad events with just one picture.

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author avatar Jack Goblin
13th Dec 2013 (#)

You don't get plentiful e-mails from usually Nigerian - although there have been other African and even South American and Middle Eastern nationalities - businessmen, princes and princesses, or government ministers offering to give you huge amounts of money if you'll just pay the transfer expenses? How sad. I get lots.

Hey,, if you'll give me your e-mail address I'll forward it to them and then YOU'LL get lots of offers from them, too! They're so friendly! And persistent! :)

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author avatar Joyce Singha
22nd Aug 2014 (#)

Lol. That is indeed a lovely idea to have Nigerians, Jennifer, Stock people and all others hanging around in your emails - to come together for some coffee.

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