Holy Guano Batman!

Jennifer S. Bourget By Jennifer S. Bourget, 12th Nov 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

I can appreciate bats and their reason for existence here on this planet, but that doesn't keep me from throwing my arms up over my head when they fly around...

Holy Guano Batman!

Have I mentioned that we live in an old house (circa 1850’s)? It’s a typical old farmhouse similar to many here in Maine with various additions stuck on over the years. At some point in its more recent history white aluminum siding was applied. It’s a little worse for wear these days. There are spots around the house where the soffit is missing. One missing soffit panel on the garage has allowed a family of starlings to build their nest there every year. In the spring we hear the telltale ‘Peep, peep, peeping’ of baby birds as we go in and out of the garage. At the back of the house, above our enclosed sun porch, there is likewise a missing soffit panel. For many years starlings set up housekeeping in the peak of the roof. We’d hear the scraping of bird claws on metal as the mother and father birds hopped up to their nest and back down again bringing food to their young. This went on every spring until one year squirrels moved in.

I was in the closet one day when I looked out the window and saw two young squirrels playing tag on the sun porch roof. They were quite entertaining as they scurried back and forth in and out of my window view. This tomfoolery went on for a few minutes until I saw one starling hop into view. It hopped tentatively to the right, making its way toward the missing soffit intending, I’m sure, to take up residence once again in the peak of the roof. The next thing I knew the bird was hopping frantically back in the other direction followed close behind by two crazy squirrels in hot pursuit! The bird took off and the squirrels remained in residence for the next few years.

That is until about three years ago when the balance of power shifted once again. The current residents of The Peak are bats. Now, I have no problem with bats really. After all, they eat mosquitoes and such and I’m all for decreasing the mosquito population in my yard. Unlike the charming ‘Peep, peep, peeping,’ of baby birds, however, bats tend to make a slightly unnerving ‘Squeak, squeak, squeak,’ sound. Still their presence didn’t really bother me. We knew there were two of them living up there because we’d seen them fly out at dusk and flutter around the yard swooping and scooping up insects as they fed. I wasn’t always too crazy about staying outside at that point, because try as I might I couldn’t seem to get out of my mind, the thought that one of them might get caught in my hair (Ugh- shudder*).

It was a lovely Saturday evening in late August and my son and I were sitting on the not-quite-finished deck talking with my husband who was packing up his tools for the day. As we all chatted amiably we could hear the bats squeaking and knew they’d be emerging soon for their evening feeding frenzy. I was watching the roof with some trepidation and concern for my hair. Although I was prepared for it, I couldn’t control my shriek! and head-duck when the first bat (quite a large one) flew expertly out of the opening and into the backyard. My son just ducked his head a bit and laughed at me. Now, we all knew there was still another bat up there and I kept a close eye out in grim anticipation. “Scritch, scritch,” of bat claws. “Squeak, squeak, squeak.” Then, OUT it flew and “Aaaaaaa!” screamed I, as my arms flung up over my head. Both my son and husband were laughing uproariously at me by now. “Not funny!” I yelled, laughing nervously. At least that was the last one.

“Scritch, scritch, squeak, squeak, squeak.”
“There’s another one up there!” No sooner did I say that than another, smaller bat came careening out of the opening, nearly bouncing off my son’s head. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” More arm-flinging and head-ducking on my part. Even more scritching and squeaking from the roof area.
“Holy *#%$*! There are still more up there!” Another young bat came shooting out fluttering madly as it darted in front of my face and flew off to my right. My son was in hysterics, holding his stomach in uncontrollable laughter. I could still hear more scritching of claws and batty squeaking!
“For crying out loud how many are there up there?!” I decided I wasn't waiting to find out. Leaving my husband and son laughing like hyenas, I stood up cautiously and, keeping an eye on the roof (and my arms over my head), walked quickly toward the door. I stepped over the bat guano that was collecting on the new deck boards and shot thankfully into the safety of the porch.
So now we have an entire family of bats living in The Peak. That’s just great.


Bats, Family Life, Husbands, Maine, Old Homes, Rural Living, Summer, Wives

Meet the author

author avatar Jennifer S. Bourget
Healer, Artist, Gardener, Purveyor of Peace and Joy, Lover of Laughter and the Absurd!

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
7th Dec 2013 (#)

hillarous story

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author avatar Jennifer S. Bourget
7th Dec 2013 (#)

Thanks Fern! The male members of my family thought it was pretty hilarious at the time as well...

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