Hardware and Software Developments in Your Underwear…Underpants

snerfuStarred Page By snerfu, 13th May 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

This is an update of the news item present in the online papers today. It concerns the hardware and software developments in your underwear so do not move an inch without reading all about it first. There is every chance that there could be explosions all over the place…and some space travel too.

Software hardware underwear and more

Here are some real life scenarios to illustrate the urgency of the situation in hand.
“Mommy,” Froid was in a tearing hurry, “where is my game-period-in-the-afternoon dress? You know I cannot play in the pay-attention-in-class dress!”

Cooking up the menu
Mommy was busy flashing her menu by waving her hand over the stove. The stove came up with Chicken Aloo Tikka, Mutton Dhum Biryani, Roasted Lamb and Mushrooms but it was not displaying Idlis! Maybe there was a button missing somewhere or she had missed rubbing the stove or something. She tried to rub the stove…maybe that is why it was not working. Maybe she had to approach the hardware and software developments in your underwear department store and get her underpants fixed.

Important to keep your shirts, pants and underwear updated

Charlie was beside himself. Now he had a new handkerchief that would connect him straight to the clinic and beyond. (Here ‘beyond’ refers to the graveyard, the undertaker and the court fees associated with death…in case the computer malfunctioned and prescribed the wrong dose or worse, the wrong medicine. In some rare cases, it was known to prescribe the wrong doctor but that bug had been overcome by including the tax return invoices with the billing data). All he had to do was take out the kerchief and wipe his face casually with it. It would immediately beep – if he had to go to the clinic at once or hum softly if he had time for his next visit. The big brains at the software lab were trying to integrate photography into the mechanism. This would be helpful when someone else stole the handkerchief and tried to use it for themselves. This handkerchief was showing people how advanced the hardware and software developments in your underwear scene really was.

Singing at the workplace

And there was the singing towel that made sounds like “Aaah!” and “Ooooh!” along with some “ratata tata tat a tat” when you wiped your head with it. It was an advanced piece of software-hardware combination made to detect early signs of dementia and ADHD in people. There is only one drawback – it goes “Boo hoo” when it does not see any mental deficiency in the people who use the towel. They were working on the correction mechanism by including the address of the person to whom the towel belonged. Many people had walked out of the hardware and software developments in your underwear project and were strictly refusing to wear any underpants until it was tested for software implants. Entrepreneurs were seeing increasing opportunities for investing in the retail sector.

Laws concerning minimum wear

Meanwhile various governments around the world are closely studying this clothing-hardware-software combination and exploring the avenues for bringing it under some kind of legislation. They were installing close surveillance on all the engineers and scientists who worked on the electronic clothing project. They had some groovy sex tapes but no evidence that suggested that all this software-hardware-underwear developments was a fake. But they persisted. After all, it must be infringing some privacy law or decency script in the law at some place in the world. And when they found it…

Integrating people with sex

So, the newspaper and the news items bring people and governments together. Now, you might also have your underpants bringing you together…with the most desirable people in the world. Like Marc Antony! Of course, it is just a brand name for a he-man figure or a wonder-girl figure that is projected in your mind when you pulled on the underwear string. It really was a lot like arranging house furniture. So much for newspapers and columns! The hardware and software developments in your underwear project were becoming exciting! It is the same when you supplement your diet with nutritious fruit, scientists say, or like pollination and flowers, though we are not seeing anything yet.

Mysterious space travel project

The best aspect about this was of course space travel. One of the scientists who were working on this garment-software-hardware project one afternoon found himself on the second floor of his work place. He was originally on the ground floor and since he could not explain how all this happened, the other scientists are analyzing the underwear and handkerchief he was in possession of at that time (actually he had borrowed his girlfriend’s undergarments) and trying to match the frequency of the Zeltox rays that show correlation between events and people. They suspect alien involvement but of course the aliens are nowhere to be found. They must be having someone who is helping them escape from the watchful eyes and guns of the local police.
Anyway, the way the software-hardware-underwear stuff transported the scientist up above the world so high was reason enough for the investigating team to order a dozen new underpants for each member of the team and walk around the research facility with nothing else on. After two weeks, the scientists too ditched their shirts and pants and came to work in their software electronic clothes. This of course infuriated the investigating team who found them talking to the scientists about the case. They demanded that the scientists wear tags on their underpants stating who they are and when pressed must display what they were up to. Here the hardware and software developments in your underwear project were expected to run into some hitches especially if the people were dressed in pants and shirts.
The scientists are working on integrating these commands into their underpants.

Keep the people on the road…safe

In the meantime, another laboratory researching this software-hardware-underwear phenomenon had come up with a novel method of regulating traffic. They installed chips inside the underpants of the drivers…right now it was only mandatory for drivers to wear the software-hardware-underwear regulatory chip installed underpants but soon legislation is expected that will make wearing such a garment compulsory. They were testing it on one or two legislators to make sure it was working.
Any suggestions for making better software are welcome. Write to me and tell me all about it. As far as possible avoid buttons…use ‘rub’, ‘swipe’ and ‘push hard’ commands instead.

Credits for this page

All pictures I use in this article are from Pixabay Public Domain pictures. All the cartoons are from Giphy .

I thank the moderators for their unceasing commitment to perfection and their encouragement.

I thank my followers for keeping up with me and pointing out the pitfalls.

I hope you have begun writing at Wikinut -- a wonderful way to make money.


Hardware, Pants, Scientist, Software, Underpants, Underwear, Work

Meet the author

author avatar snerfu
Bachelor, Christian, 53, settled in Madurai, India, like to watch football and tennis on TV. I also have occasional walks but try to read the Bible daily. For amusement, I read the newspaper.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
18th May 2015 (#)

I think people are updating their underwear before posting comments, Snerfu!
They do not want to sound outdated!

When less is more the trend and unisex the way forward, we have to identify people more by their tags - siva

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author avatar snerfu
18th May 2015 (#)

No Siva, I think the world is going towards talking underclothes. One may find it difficult to shut them...up.
Thanks for the comment.

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