Going Through Count Sneaky's Trash,

Count SneakyStarred Page By Count Sneaky, 30th May 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Poetry

Suppose someone went through your wastebasket and, amid all that detritus of snack packaging and out of date TV Guides,found the crumpled notes of ideas, questions, and thoughts that form the basis of your idiot muse?

Lifting Weights For Dummies..

...Try lifting your dead buttocks out of that recliner.
1. Put down newspaper, magazine,or comic book.
2. Have wife come and turn off TV, CD, DVD,FM, AM or whatever other distraction is dividing your miniscule attention span and stand beside you and nag as you make your first try at separating your mass from that of the chair. Wife continues thread of nag and takes photos with your camera as she writes Facebook account. If wobble ensues on first effort, a cane or sturdy chair may help. Finally, success! Another horizontally-prone mass of protoplasm stands free and upright! Now, on to running three miles a day in short pants.

Living In Your New Glass House.

1. Make sure to have house constructed more than
a stone's throw from nearest house.
2. Be sure to have storage house constructed in
rear of lot to hold 25 palettes of Windex Window Cleaner
and 50 dozen rolls of Bounty.
3.Build underground toilets.
4. Stock up on suntan lotion and Prozac.

Questions Of No Import or Export.

1. Is God still making payments on the Universe?
2. If " Honesty" is the best policy, what's the worst?
3. Do witches earn air miles on their broomsticks?
4. Can a nudist go to a costume ball as a nudist?
5 .Does anyone have a complete collection of
Little Richard's recordings?
6. Suppose you made a wrong turn at the last Universe?
7. Do elephants have hernias?
8. Do plastic surgeons get under your skin?
9. Which is finer, frog hair or flea fur?
10. Where were the shepherds when the sheep hit the fan?
11. Has anyone told you that you were just what the undertaker ordered?
12. What have you learned in the Jiffy Lube Waiting Room?
13. What early make of car had a hood ornament showing opposable thumbs.
14. Do you iron your shoelaces?
15. Is necessity the mother of all title loans?
16. If Cleanliness is next to Godliness, what's next to Cleanliness?
17. Does a musical score never played exist?
18. Have you ever been to a submarine race?
19. Have you ever tried to learn Pig Latin?
20. If the only thing permanent is change...why can't that change?
21. What do you get when you cross KFC with Chick-Fil-A?
22. Can you be arrested for littering in the desert?
23. Is the best way to thaw a turkey to blow in its ear?
24.Have you ever tried Belgravian rolled ox tongues?
25. What kind of animals do you like to eat?
26. Why are you answering these questions?

Thoughts For Your Penny.

1. Try marching to a different drummer. The old one keeps forgetting where he left his sticks.
2.Someone told me that no National Geographic magazines
can be thrown away by law.
3. Maybe it's time to re-calibrate your mojo!
4. Take all the umbrage you like...its not against the law.
5. Bovine asylums treat udder madness.
6. You can think without a Q-Tip in your ear.
7. Avian news: Toucan live as cheaply as one.
8.You cannot magnetize a frog.
9. No one is as despised as a good example.
10. Nobody knows the truffles I've seen.


The Muse Of Trash, Waste Basketing For Dummies, Wasting Away

Meet the author

author avatar Count Sneaky
A retired art director, creative director, and blogger of "Count Sneaky's Journal" Will focus on humor writing.

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author avatar Count Sneaky
17th Jun 2012 (#)

For those of you who asked (none) the drawing of the knight represents the knight who slew the last dragon,
St. Vinaigrette. More later. Count Sneaky.

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