First Date Story or Mellie moment number 2

Melissa Dawn By Melissa Dawn, 23rd Feb 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

This occured about in 2000. I like to refer to them as my young and foolish days :-) It's a story about my ex husband who blessedly is no longer my problem, nor his third wife's problem who divorced him last year. Real names other than mine, have been changed for this story.

Intro to Robbie

I met Robbie through one of my mother's friends friends. He seemed all right at first, sensitive, intuitive and a bit lost. He was thirteen years older than me, and had lost his first wife just the year before. I was reeling from my first bout with Cancer, the loss of a then important guy in my life, and at 27 really didn't know what direction I was going in next. Then I met Robbie.

My mother's friend only dropped by about every three or four months. I didn't want to go out anywhere with them, but I was bored. We ended up going into the city (I lived in rural Nova Scotia back then) to visit my mother's friends friend. Of all things it was a Bible study, and although now I'm a confirmed believer at the time I was just plain mad at the world.

Robbie had big soulful brown eyes, and a bigger plus he didn't want to be there either although he was currently a boarder. We went to a coffee shop, had big chocolate chip cookies and coffee and got to talking. I wasn't looking for anyone but he was (a story for another day) and I promised I'd drive back in and see him.

We hung out a few times, Mummy and friends weren't especially approving of the friendship. Robbie was older, semi-employed and lost. So this is a first date story how two then lost souls collided.

First date...the beginning

After me driving in to see Robbie a few times, eating lunch he cooked we decided sort of informally we would go out on a date. Well we didn't call it a date :-) We were both too shy and lost to think of that, but Robbie said he needed my help picking out a few new shirts so I agreed to drive in and take us to the Sears outlet store.

What possible pressure could there be at a Sears store? It was however; about to get very interesting.

Robbie was taller than me (I'm just over 5' 6) and he was over six feet. We entered the Sears store and began looking for the men's clothing section. Should have been a breeze, it was only about fifteen feet away to the left, down the center aisle. The store was packed that April as Spring was finally arriving. After some small talk we headed down the aisle, dodging fellow customers when I tripped over a child's shoe that was lying in the aisle.

First date....the next bit

Now some would argue I should probably have seen this shoe, especially since it was neon green and fairly small. I however; was wondering how quickly I could pick out a few shirts for Robbie and then head to the ladies section to snag some bargains on my own. Hence my gaze wandered....and I tripped.

Now most people fall forward but not me, I managed to fall sideways, knock into Robbie who wobbled a bit before slamming back into me and sending me to the ground. I landed on my posterior, and determined not to embarrass myself immediatly got back up. Robbie got up to, but his foot slipped again on the waxed floor and he fell face forward into a mannequin sending them both tumbling the ground.

Now I was on my feet albeit shakily, and Robbie was lying on top of a rather oversized female mannequin wearing a bright orange and very small bikini. Now at this point I should have been helpful, but I was rather stunned, and several thoughts ran through my mind simultaneously....'Surely he's going to get right back up', followed by, 'How the heck does anyone manage to land on a mannequin', followed by, 'What in God's green earth is a mannequin doing in the middle of the aisle'.

First date...and it got worse

We were to find out much much later, that display staff were in the process of doing a store re-arrangement and had simply left the mannequin there for just a few minutes. Meanwhile Robbie was trying unsuccessfully to get up. The waxed floor was very very slippery, and every time he raised himself up on his arms he slid back down again, to land on the mannequin again.

There is something about watching someone experiencing difficulty that just leaves us dumbfounded. I should have moved, but Robbie was going up and down on that mannequin like anything! He was drawing a crowd too, huffing and puffing, and each time he slipped down that bikini topped fell down a bit along with the briefs. Reason suddenly kicked in and I decided I had to get him off that mannequin when I heard an elderly male voice call out...

'Oh my soul! That man's just a humpin' that mannequin'.

You could have heard a pin drop in that Sears department store, people stopped talking, turned to look, and even came over to watch. I couldn't take it any longer. I went over to Robbie and instructed him to take my hand. He did, got almost all the way up when he slid down again in a sideways move sending me to the floor AGAIN, and pulling the mannequin on top of him.

This time I landed very hard on my posterior. Crab like and really furious I got up again.

First date....and in the end

Robbie was trapped beneath the large mannequin. Arms and legs flailing and a lot of curse words, the mannequin's legs had somehow got wrapped around his, and her hands somehow on the edges of his neck.

'Oh my soul', the old chap yelled out again. 'Now she's gonna choke him'.

Enough.

'Robbie', I whispered bending down low to his ear. 'Get up this instant your making a spectacle of yourself'.

'eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr', was the only response I got.

And then someone yelled for security. They came a runnin' and good thing too as Robbie's face was all red and puffy. Two big burly lads grasped him firmly on the arms, while a third picked up the now almost nude mannequin. Robbie got up and actually shook their hands.

'We've never had a mannequin attack before sir', one young security card quipped.

And with that we left. No shirts, no bargains for Mellie and a whole lot of people clapping. Surely it was over I thought as we made a break for the door. Until we heard the old fella yell once more.

'Get a real woman next time boy!'

Moral of the story

I later married the guy. We stayed married for a few years until we discovered our marriage had never been legal anyway. He ended up marrying a third woman who he's now divorced from. He wasn't the best hubby but he did provide some entertaining moments and this was one of them.

And the moral of the story. Watch who you go shopping with, and watch out for those mannequins!

Tags

Funny Experience, Funny Spouse Story, Funny Story, Funny Stuff, Humour, Humourous, Humourous Story, Short Story

Meet the author

author avatar Melissa Dawn
I have been writing ever since I can remember, and currently focus my attention on articles, how to guides and e-books. Check out my group e-book at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/488536

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Comments

author avatar Retired
24th Feb 2011 (#)

I don't know if I would have handled myself too good in that situation...bravo for the way you handled yourself.

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author avatar Denise O
24th Feb 2011 (#)

Oh my gosh Melissa, you have me laughing my butt off. Great writing, I could picture it all in my mind, OMG what a hoot!
Thanks I needed that!:)

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author avatar Melissa Dawn
24th Feb 2011 (#)

Glad I could make you all smile today.

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author avatar Songbird B
24th Feb 2011 (#)

Sometimes life hands out these gems, if only to look back on and chuckle over at a later date...Wonderful, descriptive write Melissa...still picturing it in my head...lol..

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author avatar Glory Lennon
25th Feb 2011 (#)

Mellie, if it had happened to me I doubt I would have been brave enough to see him again, let alone marry him. Wild times for Mellie! :-)

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author avatar Mel
25th Feb 2011 (#)

I love your stories!!! LOL

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author avatar christopheranton
25th Feb 2011 (#)

What a situation.
Thanks for a very funny article.

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author avatar Carol
25th Feb 2011 (#)

I did laugh at this! Seeing the funny side of an awkward situation always helps I think. Good write.

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