Don't Go Into The Barn-Part Deux

Jennifer S. Bourget By Jennifer S. Bourget, 12th Nov 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

What really goes on in The Barn? An inside peek into a rural man cave...

Don't Go Into The Barn-Part Deux

“Where’s dad?”
“He’s Barn-Piddling”
“Aahhh,” replies the inquirer with a knowing raise of eyebrows and nod of head.
We moved into our 1850’s house some 24 years ago. With it came a barn of some ill-repute. Whoever built it did so with odds and ends of beams, boards, misfit windows and recycled corrugated roofing. I say ‘recycled’ with some confidence because it’s obvious it was used for some other purpose given the nail holes scattered among the panels. That said our barn is slightly less-than waterproof. The floor is dirt and sand with stones scattered about.
In the barn lives everything from bicycles, firewood, the kids’ old red Radio Flyer wagon, the wading pool up in the rafters, my little childhood rocking chair, the lawnmower, my daughter’s Fisher-Price kitchen set, wheelbarrow and garden tools, my son’s bench press, and innumerable boxes of who-knows-what. And in the back left corner, with wall cabinets, shelves, hooks and pegs, two large work benches with cabinet storage underneath and tools of every known variety is, you guessed it, my husband’s workshop. From the first day in Spring when the weather is tolerable enough for him to work out there without losing all feeling in his fingers (I’m told it’s difficult to do woodworking while wearing mittens), until the air temperature once again turns bitter he’s out there Barn-Piddling most weekday evenings and weekends. Herein lays the mystery. What exactly is he doing in there? I ventured to ask this very question.
“What are you doing in there, anyway?”
“Oh, I’m cleaning up. It’s a real mess. I’ve got to clear off my workbenches so that I can use them.”
I wish he’d clean up the area next to his side of the bed. Then maybe I could actually get close enough to the bed to make it. The pile of dirty clothes is so large it’s like scaling the Swiss Alps to get over them and into the closet (“Climb every mountain…”). (Please reference my first installment of ‘Don’t Go Into The Barn’ where I mention the fact that we have two hampers in our home, one of which is in our bedroom). But I digress.
“I’m going to be out in the barn.”
“Okay. What are you going to do out there?”
“I’m going to make a jig for…” Now from this point on all I hear is, “wah, wah, wah, wah-WAH, wah, wah,” (you know, like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoons). I can’t help it. I understand the importance of jigs in woodworking, how helpful they can be, etc. But, honestly unless he tells me he’s making a new trellis, or a bookcase, or patio furniture, or some similar item it’s hard for me to stay focused. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate all the things he has made and repaired over the past 24 years; the patio chairs and table, latticework for under the porch, front stairs, deck, playhouse, bookshelves and the hutch for his mom. Okay, so apparently he really does do something out there.
After awhile I wander back out to the barn to see how things are going. The radio on the old stereo is blasting an old rock tune (he’s mounted the ginormous speakers on the wall) and he’s like groovin’ to the music, man. I walk over to his workbench and he nearly jumps out of his skin.
“Holy #@%$! You scared me to death! I didn’t hear you come in!”
“No. Really?”
“What’s up?”
“I just wanted to see what you’re up to,” I reply sniffing. “Something stinks.”
“Yeah, the cats have been using the sand in that corner for a litter box.”
“Eeww, gross!”
“Yeah, I caught Mittens pooping there a couple of days ago. I’ve got to clean it up.”
“Ya think? So, what are you doing?”
“Well, I’m making this jig for…”
“Wah, wah, wah, wah-WAH, wah, wah…”


Chores, Dads, Families, Hobbies, Husbands, Men And Women, Moms, Old Homes, Wives, Workshops

Meet the author

author avatar Jennifer S. Bourget
Healer, Artist, Gardener, Purveyor of Peace and Joy, Lover of Laughter and the Absurd!

Share this page

moderator Steve Kinsman moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
19th Nov 2013 (#)

Nice post

Reply to this comment

author avatar Jennifer S. Bourget
19th Nov 2013 (#)

Thanks Fern!

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Can't login?