Corporate Kulture...

Count SneakyStarred Page By Count Sneaky, 7th May 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/zr1b12y2/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

The first step in all Corporate Communications programs is a crisp, clear, flaming, fire-eating, smoking Mission Statement that is distributed to all workers and clients that shows where the hell you're going.

MEMORANDUM:

FROM: The desk of Chief Operating Demon, J.R. Feckless.
TO: All Demons, Demonesses, Devils. and clients.

GENTLEMEN: Here is our long-awaited Corporate Mission Statement. Dudes, we have put our best labor and thoughts into this work for the past few days, and we think it captures just who we are and what we are here to do. Now, given the brain power in some of our sections and pits, we will need to read it to the clients and workers and supervisory staff each morning at Assembly until it starts to penetrate their dim intellects. Each Section Chief must certify, under penalty of demotion to the pits, that all of his clients, no matter how stupid, handicapped, or aged they may be of either sex, can recite this Mission Statement. Clients are requested to memorize the Statement, but who gives a flying crap
about them anyway. We run Hades... not the %#@??* clients.

New Statement Art

I urge each of you baloney brains to commit it to memory, and guage your actions and plans accordingly ..OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!

New Corporate Logo Designs

Look for our new Corporate Logo Designs in our next Newsletter and vote for your favorite design. After the Logo has been chosen it will shortly be available on all items in our Company Logo Store including underwear, T-shirts, caps, jock straps, visors, gowns,and various trashy items. Suggestions can be sent to our office for other wastes of money our department can employ to raise the abysmal morale in this large area of the cosmos. Just remember any suggestions for slogans, mottoes.or morale-builders must be as obscene, pornographic and dirty as possible. However, filth alone, will not produce a winner, relevance and triteness will. So, to work you sorry little bastards and let no thought or common decency stand in way of winning a two-week cruise on the River Styx aboard the RS Turdley as a guest of Captain Blastfurnace. Ports of Call will be: Luftmensch., Sodden City, Lumpenprol, Lebensraum, Max Nix Pavilion, Zeitgeist, Weltanschauung Lake, Rive Gauche, Sturm and Drang Village, Thanatopsis, and Weltzschmerz City with side trips to Weisenheimer Resort Village , and Terra Incognito.

Tags

First Issue, Korporate Kulture, News, Views And Clues Hades Days

Meet the author

author avatar Count Sneaky
A retired art director, creative director, and blogger of "Count Sneaky's Journal" Will focus on humor writing.

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Comments

author avatar Delicia Powers
22nd May 2012 (#)

Very fiendishly clever...LOL

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author avatar Count Sneaky
7th Jun 2012 (#)

Thanks Delicia. I'll just settle for fiendishly amusing.

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author avatar Shaunak
31st May 2012 (#)

Interesting designs.

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author avatar Count Sneaky
7th Jun 2012 (#)

Thanks Shaunak. My pleasure to have you as a reader.

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