Christmas Spirits

Niel Malan By Niel Malan, 11th Dec 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/3-ek1vd6/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

Santa Claus meets a hungry ghost in the chimney. The poor ghost is unable to frighten the family or rationalists who live in his house. Santa helps him get his fright on again.

Christmas Eve

It is Christmas eve. In a small house on the edge of the forest a family is fast asleep. A lazy wisp of smoke drifts from the chimney. A faint jingle of bells approaches from the distance, and with practiced ease a sleigh slides to a stop on the snowy roof. Santa jumps from the sleigh, grabs his bag of gifts and shimmies down the chimney.

Crunch!

"Ouch!" says Santa

"Owooooo" says a hollow voice.

Slowly Santa emerges from the chimney pot. He sits down on the ridge of the roof and rubs his shin. "Ouch", he says again. The lazy wisp of smoke was still drifting from the chimney.

In his hurry Santa had bumped his shin on something. He sits on the roof and rubs his shin, and thinks. The chimney was open, but he'd bumped into something.

Santa is a multi-dimensional being (That's why he can to be in so many places at the same time and shimmy down chimneys without getting black soot on his red suit.)

Santa slowly came to the conclusion that the chimney was clear but he'd bumped into something multi-dimensional. He stood up an looks down the chimney pot.

"Ho ho ho" he says. "Is anybody in there?"

"Owoooo" came a voice. "Whooohoooooo"

"Shhh, you'll wake the children," Santa said. "Come on out. I'll give you a hand."

Santa reached into chimney and gripped a bony but invisible hand. The hand was followed by a ghost, as thin as a rake.

"What's your story?" asks Santa. "What are you doing in the chimney? Isn't there a cellar or something you can haunt?" This incarnation of Santa was impatient with beings that retarded his delivery rounds.

"Whooo" says the ghost. "It's the only place I am still believed in. The parents in this family are staunch rationalists. Now matter how hard I haunt, they always have a rational explanation. Whooo!" lamented the ghost again. "When I scratch the walls they put out traps for rats, when I bang the pipes they call the plumber, when I creak a door they oil the hinges. But when I "Whoo" in the chimney on a quiet night or goes "chrich-crich, chrich-crich" in the fireplace the children still think there is something spookish about it. That's all the belief I live on."

"H'm", says Santa, stroking his beard, "A family that doesn't believe in spirits. Next thing you know they won't believe in me. We'll have to put a stop to this. " He though a moment longer. "Here, have a cookie while I deliver the presents," said Santa to the ghost, grabbed his bag and disappeared down the chimney.

The thin ghost waited on the roof, gnawing his cookie. A full twenty minutes later Santa came up the chimney, smelling of cookies, milk and alcohol. "OK, I think I fixed things for you," said Santa. "You can go haunt again!".

Santa slung his bag into the sleigh and hopped in. With a shake of his head he sobered up. "Ho ho ho and happy haunting," he called to the ghost. He cracked the whip and Rupert and team pulled him away into the night.

Christmas Morning


"Did you drink of my whiskey, Honey?" asked dad the next morning, as the children were ripping the wrapping paper. He held up an almost empty bottle. "I only had one drink from it last night."

"No dear, you know I stick to gin and tonic," said mother.

Dad looked at the bottle again, and shook his head. "This house must be haunted, he said."

In the cellar the ghost grew fat and something creaked ominously.

Tags

Christmas, Ghost Stories, Ghosts

Meet the author

author avatar Niel Malan
Niel Malan is a scientist who develops new instrumentation and data systems. He has done this in Antarctica, Potchefstroom, Aberystwyth and South Africa.

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