Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 13th May 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

Sometimes, lying is better than having to tell the truth.

To tell the truth or not...

So back in my unemployment days, I was desperate for a job. Desperation can make a person do things which they wouldn’t ordinarily think of and such happened to me when I came across a job ad that didn’t give out much details except that the job is available.
We’ve all seen the ads folks;

“Be your own boss”
“Make your own money”

Now, normally I wouldn’t take the time to respond but being desperate and all, I thought:

“Fuck it, why not?”

So I got in touch with the person in charge (turns out he was also a sales agent) and he came clean about what the job entailed. He told me it involved selling women’s cosmetic items (things like Maybelline and L’Oreal) and that I’d only earn a certain percentage of the commission.

Having done sales before and finding that it wasn’t for me, I should’ve turned him down but I had been toiling for so long and I was so blinded by the idea of earning money again, I put my pride in my back pocket and immediately said yes.

To fully sell the product, I had to know which foundation would work with what skin type, which eyeliner and mascara combination works best and other dodgy things like that.

By the end of the training, I knew more about cosmetics than I care to admit.However, irrespective of how I felt about my job, soon enough I grudgingly had to admit that I was (somewhat) rolling in the paper. It might not have been a great earning but for a person with few responsibilities such as myself, it was more than enough.

I wasn’t unaware of the fate that awaited me should people I know find out that I’m selling eyeliners, mascara, lipstick and foundation to women so when my friends and missus found out I got a job, I just told them I worked in sales.

All things considered, everything was fine for a couple of months until one day when I went to visit the missus. For context, when I made a sale, I’d usually gift wrap the item the customer bought and wrote them a little note thanking them.

When I was at my lady’s place, I had planned to stay for a couple of minutes to catch up and then head off to deliver the package. I had also lent her external hard drive and it was in my bag… along with a gift bag for a customer.

I was in the kitchen, making myself a sandwich when she asked for the hard drive. I told her to just get it out of the bag.

I soon went into the room to find my things sprawled across the floor and the missus seething in anger whilst holding the gift bag. If looks could kill, I would’ve been vaporized on the spot. She immediately started hurling accusations of infidelity and demanded an explanation.

I was about to explain that it was all a stupid misunderstanding when the weight of what I was about to say came into full view:

I was about to tell her that the gift bag wasn’t the result of an affair but rather that it was for a customer when I remembered that I hadn’t told her the true nature of my job.

The opportunity arose for me to come clean but for some reason, my stupid pride came into the fold and convinced me that the truth wouldn’t sound all that better.

So, I did what I had to do.

I lied.

She kept on prodding for information about the “bitch” and I haphazardly came up with an illicit affair that wouldn’t look out of place in a Danielle Steele novel. Though the consequences of lying about having an affair were far worse than what they would’ve been had I told the truth, I just couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words:

“I’m not cheating. I just sell cosmetics to women”.

I’m sorry, you may chalk it up to immaturity, pride, or any other reason but I had only recently come to terms with the truth of my situation.

There was no way in hell I was going to admit to the missus that I sold cosmetics on the side.


Funny Story, True Story

Meet the author

author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

For more content, head to:

Share this page

moderator Peter B. Giblett moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


author avatar Retired
24th May 2017 (#)

Great story. Probably would've done the same in the same situation????

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Can't login?