Being Scamproof

kaylarStarred Page By kaylar, 31st Aug 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

How I became absolutely scam proof by being a loser

You Won!!!

I had never won anything. At the grand old age of 13, certain I wouldn't win I was virtually tortured to buy a ticket for a 'good cause'. Reluctantly, I bought the ticket. My number was called. For the first in my life I won!!

I won a round bedspread.

I was sleeping on my crummy little kiddie bed, a rectangle if I ever saw one. I didn't even want to bring home my prize, but it wouldn't look right to just leave it at the place so I lugged it with me.

I got it home, didn't even unwrap it. My mother saw it, took it, put it over her big double bed. No matter what she did it was so sloppy. I would look at it and wonder; how was it that of all raffles, contests, bingos I'd entered, this was all I ever won?

As time goes by

I never won anything after that. If there were four entrants and three prizes, my entry stayed in the bin. No matter the contest, no matter where or what or when, I didn't win. Betting against me was a sure bet. I stopped even trying. No sense. Whatever it was, I did not win.

Then came the Internet.

Yeah, right

There isn't a Nigerian who has emailed, inviting me to share in the millions he had robbed from his local treasury. There isn't a site I haven't seen that flashing banner ad; "You Won!"

I don't read the emails or click on those banners. This is because whatever it is, I didn't win. I know I didn't win because I am I, and I don't win.

Every so often, a site I write for has a 'prize'. Doesn't matter what the qualifications are, or the number of entries I make, or how well they are received by the other writes on the site. My work will be beaten out by a poem about socks, an article on cleaning dog poo, or a story about a leaf falling from a tree.


Knowing whatever it is I didn't win prevents 'excitement'. I don't grumble when that poorly written item wins the prize. I knew I wasn't going to win and to maintain that perfect score the judges will be forced to pick something else, even a poem about socks.

I mute the T.V. when the lotto numbers are called because I didn't even buy a ticket for I know I wouldn't win.

There is no way anyone can trick me into believing my email was chosen, or that someone died and left me money or that I have a chance. I don't buy lottery tickets, although I might find one on the ground it will be a loser. I don't send away labels. I don't drop my receipt into the box at the supermarket, nor even attend any venue where there is gambling.
I know the result.
I lost.

Now if some scammer ever wrote; "I'm sorry to say you didn't win..." I'd probably fall for it.


Fraud, Lost, Nigerian, Scam, Trick, Winning

Meet the author

author avatar kaylar
I am passionate about history, culture, current events, science and law

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author avatar Songbird B
2nd Sep 2011 (#)

Loved this. Kaylar, it really made me chuckle! Great page! You have definitely won my

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author avatar Buzz
2nd Sep 2011 (#)

This should have been a star page for sheer hilarity but you didn't get it, either. :D

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author avatar kaylar
2nd Sep 2011 (#)

Thanks guys...I guess I'm on the starless list. Must be a cloudy night here on Wiki

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author avatar Delicia Powers
2nd Sep 2011 (#)

Great warning, well done kaylar...

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author avatar BeiYin
14th Sep 2011 (#)

I know what you are talking about. A few weeks ago, I did the mistake to participate in a lottery, what I never done before. Since then I am receiving about 200 spam and scam messages every day at my mailbox. It is getting worse every day, even though there is a spam filter. Soon the same will happen here at Wikinut where spam shows up as comments. If nothing is done to change this, then the same will happen as with the news group, that all were destroyed by trolls and spam.
A few years ago I had a very creative discussion group with engaged people. This group was destroyed by a troll and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't dare to open another one...

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author avatar kaylar
14th Sep 2011 (#)

I always blame the mod when a message board gets screwed. A friend of mine, one of the best, has a mantra; relvance trumps freedom of speech. Anything not relevant to the topic is deleted. If you open another interesting message board, get a few mods, and bounce on relevance. Trolls always claim 'freedom' of speech.

As to winning, I have a number of email accounts. They all fill with spam.

But I usually forward the best scams to a geek I know how knows how to send malware.

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