Battle for the throne

Rick Rice By Rick Rice, 16th Oct 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

Humor based on a common life experience. Everyone tells me to write what I know. So be it. It makes sense. And who doesn't relish that morning cup and routine. There is something sacrosanct about the loo.

Opening, closing and end


The morning began like any other morning. The drone of the infernal machine forces my windows to the world apart. God I hate that thing. I fumble for my sweatpants and stagger across the dark room—trying my utmost to be stealthy while bumping into furniture and trying not to cuss. I make it to the door without waking my soul mate.
Finally into the hallway I turn on the light and cringe at the intensity of the miniature sun. This passes quickly. I step in something unpleasant. The cat ate another houseplant. I decide to leave it for someone else to discover. I find my way to the kitchen and put the water kettle on to boil. The next step is to head quickly to the bathroom and into the shower for rebirth. How anyone can do without that daily baptism is beyond my ken. I think of Stinky John at work. What a fool he is. Once out and dry I decide to forgo shaving. As I don my boxers I hear the kettle demanding my attention. I dash quietly toward the kitchen barely missing the former houseplant. Guilt sets in but fortunately for me my attention span is negligible in early morning.
I set up my one-cup, low-tech coffee funnel and wait for it to do its magic. In a few moments I head back toward the bathroom, coffee cup in hand. On the way I snag yesterday’s funnies. Once into the bathroom I lock the door, drop my boxers and get situated just so. The position has to be just right for the proper experience. Situated I begin sipping the morning ambrosia. My god it’s good. The comics are at just the right level for the time of day and act that is imminent.
My body plunges into the semi-autonomic function that has brought both delight and dread to humans since the inception of time. Klondike Ike is very funny today. I grab the trusty mechanical pencil on the countertop, eyeball it to make sure that exactly one sixteenth of an inch is exposed and begin the daily crossword. A loud knock startles me nearly scaring the sh…well, at least the locale is appropriate. I pretend not to hear the pleas. A six-letter word for a musical insect… L-E-N-N-O-N…no, that can’t be correct—but I do manage to amuse myself. The knocking becomes more insistent. Not pleading this time but threats. It’s no use. My mind simply isn’t up to the challenge of the day’s puzzle. I ultimately acquiesce. My main job is done and I feel better for the experience.
As an act of rebellion I leave the seat up. I have lost the battle but the war will resume again at dawn.

Tags

Humor, Humor Writing

Meet the author

author avatar Rick Rice
A former military brat. My experiences have given me fodder for writing. A musician/songwriter. I've been writing humor for quite some time.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
17th Oct 2013 (#)

Yeah, the routine is over for daily battles of survival to begin! siva

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