Bad Judgment

DennisAuthor By DennisAuthor, 27th Feb 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

A young man goes to a club, fails to drown his problems in alcohol, and then makes some bad decisions. Hilarity ensues.
This is another project I want to give out to anyone who wants to use it. Please, if you do like it and want to do something with it, just include me- Aaron Dennis -as the executive writer.

Bad Judgment

Jimmy T looks at his watch. It's coming up on 11pm and he's still sober as a door knob. Recent events such as flunking out of college, losing his high school sweetie, and having his hours cut at work, he decides-brilliantly-to drown away the sorrows with a little brandy. The Dancing Dunce was the place to make it happen.

The club is nothing special from the outside; brown walls, a flat roof, and a neon blue sign depicting a prancing donkey. Jimmy T walks on in, skirts the dance floor, and with many colored lights flashing over his back side, he approaches the bar tender.

Jimmy T: Hey bud, lemme get a brandy.

Bar tender: Sure, sure. $4.50.

Jimmy T puts down a five spot, takes his glass and looks over the dance floor. There are a few hotties and a couple of frat boys, but nothing overly exciting is happening. Jimmy T continues sipping his brandy. Other patrons come by and order drinks. They make snide comments about the lackluster environment, and how slow it is on a week day. Jimmy T shrugs to himself, makes eye contact with a petite brunette and approaches. Her man-like girlfriend cuts him off and the two girls walk off.

Jimmy T: Really?

He mopes back to the bar, finishes his brandy and orders another one. By the end of the second drink he still has no buzz, but bobs his head haphazardly to the break beats. He glances around a few times. No one has noticed his presence.

Jimmy T: Well...time for round 3, cuase third time's the charm, and fuckin'....whatever.

He orders his third drink, and gulps it down in a minute. With a shake of his head, he looks at his watch. It's 11:05pm.

Jimmy T: What?!

In frustration he makes to leave but bumps into a shady looking character.

Jimmy T: Sorry brosef...I-

Shady D: No probs amigster. look down.

Jimmy T: Shizzle! I'm trying to get skunk sauce, but nothing's biting.

Shady D: Well...I just got out of prison. I got some dizzle-dizzle...foshizzle?

Jimmy T was foshizzle.

Jimmy T: Got any Valium? I def needs to chilax on the serious. Hound it?

Shady D:...Oh....well, I don't have any Valium. I got roids!

Jimmy T: Nah...

Shady D: I got goat adrenaline!

Jimmy T: Mmmm...nahhh

Shady D: Oh...wait! I do have Valium!

Shady D feigns smacking his forehead, reaches into his pocket and grabs a little capsule. He accidentally drops it and quickly snatches it before others step on it. He holds it out in the palm of his hand.

Jimmy T: Valium is a tablet broheim.

Shady D: This is super Valium.

Jimmy T: Oh...Okay! How much?

Shady D: Take it, then we'll talk price.

Shady D opens the capsule and powers the powder right down Jimmy T's throat.

Jimmy T: Whooaaa! My whole mouf is numb. I am fuuuuuu-dged up!

Shady D: Well...we better go.

Jimmy T: Go where?

Shady D: Gee...I don't about....

Jimmy T: I know! Lez go to my place!

Shady D: Oh wow. That is a great idea. I'd love to see where you live. You're an awesome amigster!

Shady D wraps his arms around Jimmy T and they stumble out of The Dancing Dunce. After a couple of twists, turns, and half answered questions, Jimmy T makes it back to his place.

Suddenly he wakes up, fresh and relaxed. He yawns and stretches with a big ole smile on his face. A twinge of pain flashes across his face. Confusion assaults him.

Jimmy T: Why does my butt hole hurt? How did I get home? Where's Shady D?

After spilling out of bed and finding his whole room caked in oatmeal he comes to the realization that Shady D roofied him, buggered him, stole all of his stuff, and for some reason threw oatmeal everywhere.

Jimmy T: Well...guess that puts everything into perspective. So what if I flunked out, lost hours at work, and Lilly left least I can't remember being buggered!


I invite any and all to use this for your own projects. If you do like it, I just ask that you include my name as executive writer in the credits.


Bugger, Club, Dancing, Dunce, Valium

Meet the author

author avatar DennisAuthor
Creator of the Lokians Science Fiction series. Author of Shadowman, Cayneian, and several short stories. Blogger.

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