Apartment Hunting

Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 13th May 2017 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/33glp17r/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

A list of terms that rental agencies use to advertise apartments and what they actually mean. For the love of all things good,do your research and go view the place before doing anything else.

Exercise caution when apartment/house hunting.

Having slept on streets and in swanky flats, I can say that I’ve lived in some very good and not-so-good places. You could also say that I know some tricks that rental agencies use to reel people in.

A friend of mine recently began flat hunting and asked me to help him out. We went to check a couple of places out and to no one’s (except his) surprise, they weren’t what was advertised.

I can’t really blame him; in a way, flat hunting is a lot like online dating. Folks will see the ads online and for some reason will exaggerate the place from the few pieces of information they have. Because of that, they will be let down when they see the place for the first time.

When it comes to flat hunting, if it sounds too good to be true; it probably is. You just have to go in with the assumption that everything you see in the advert is 20%-50% less nice than what was advertised.

However, that isn’t to say that the ads aren’t misleading. Advertisers are very crafty when it comes to describing their products so when people buy the thing and it doesn’t match up to expectations, advertisers can just say that they weren’t necessary lying, but that they were selective of their words.

So because of my expertise in such things, I’m going to explain a few terms that ads use and their actual meaning.

Convenient Access/ centrally located:
You might read this and think that being close to shops, malls and other places; this flat/apartment might be the one. But with all those businesses close by, there are people who commute to and from work. That means main roads and taxis and I can guaran-damn-tee you that with those factors, sleep will be as elusive as the lost city of Atlantis.

Close to campus:
While it might be close in a car, most university students walk to their campus so you could be looking at a walk of at best 3 km and at worst 10km.

Offers an intimate setting:
On the surface, a person could hear this and picture a nice cozy place with a fireplace in the living room where they and their significant other can snuggle up. Be prepared to walk into some two roomed muthafucka where the bedroom/bathroom combo forms one room while the kitchen forms the other. In some cases, you’d find that the place has no lights installed in the bedroom.

Pet friendly:
You might not have a problem that there’s a cat or a dog roaming about but you will most likely have a problem with all the animal droppings that are bound to be littered across the place.

Recently renovated:
A person could hear this and think that it’s been renovated from some rubbish looking place to some posh flat but this usually means either the place was in absolute shambles (plumbing job was dire) or the previous tenant fucked the place up (probably killed someone).

Safe and Secure:
In my experience, when the ad says safe and secure; it means that there might be a gate (if you are lucky, it’s motorized) and a guard but the guard would be more suited to dealing with noise disruptions and underage parties than foiling robberies. If things go down, then he/she might call the cops but for the most part, you are on your own.

Lively neighborhood:
With that sort of description, a person could easily picture a community where people are all cultured and sophisticated and do community activities together but that could not be further than the truth. Sure, the neighborhood but you’d find it’s something like a dodgy nightclub or pub. In fact, the chances are high that there are illegal activities that happen constantly.

Folks, just exercise due diligence (Google the damn place) when apartment/house hunting. You dont want to end up getting something that you didn't want.


Apartment Rental, False Advertising, Humour

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author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

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author avatar Retired
24th May 2017 (#)

Loved the descriptions. Good tips.

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