Rocket Raja By Rocket Raja, 22nd Jun 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Home to a billion, India is the land of congested roads and overcrowded trains. With a humongous population, diversity presides in every nook and corner of this second most populous country. Diversity can be a pain in the rear. Sometimes people unite, sometimes they divide. Sometimes both happen. What better way to realize this than to compare regional movies? Read on…!

Happy Birthday, Indian Cinema!

India is the land of a thousand woods. By woods, I don’t mean shady places where nineteenth century people made love, but woods like Hollywood. Bollywood, Tollywood, Kollywood, Mollywood and counting, there is no limit to the number of woods here. You name it, India has it. We even got as far as Sandalwood, and that’s saying something.

0-20 Years

All babies come out screaming their tiny lungs out, all the way from inside the womb. But Indian Cinema was born without a sound. The first Indian film arrived ‘silently’, shot in 1912. It was a giant leap from the stage plays and puppet shows that buoyed the dormant ideas from the director’s womb to the public. As long as men kept their mouths shut, differences remained buried. North and South received the films alike. All was well.

Trouble began when the baby began talking. The rush for the tickets of the first Indian Talkie was maddening. With great crowds, come fat policemen. The sight of the frenzied crowd being subdued by a bunch of lathi swinging burly policemen in the year of 1931 showed glimpses of the movie frenzied nation that India would grow up to be.

20-40 Years

This was the era of curly hairs, afros, bell-bottomed pants, artificial sets and what not. The Southern films almost always had the handsome hero sporting a curly wig and tight attires. The wig was so important then that a hero would probably even agree to run naked onscreen, but definitely not act without a wig. Educated heroes almost always squeezed in a sentence of accented English in their movies to assert their knowledge.

While the movies were mostly hero centric, the Barbie dolls of Indian Cinema decorated the silver screen, running around trees and resting on the hero’s shoulders and prominent bellies. Heroes could get away with clumsy dancing and manage without six-packs. Heroines didn’t have to wax their legs twice a week and wear bikinis. Anything would sell as long as they shared screen space with The man of the movie.

40-70 Years

This was when India started to take a leaf out of Hollywood’s book. In a desperate effort to drag the common man to the theatre, the producers insisted that directors introduce Item Numbers in their films. Item Numbers were racy songs with a scantily clad woman teasing other men sensuously. Now there were two kinds of women in the movie. Those who made your heart leap, and those who made… Well, watch the songs to find out.

The Item Numbers became a huge hit throughout the country and so did the Item Girls. It is also rumored that quite a few producers split from their wives during this time. No, am not hinting at anything. Just keeping you informed, folks.

Interestingly, Item Numbers meant different things to different people. While down south, the men liked them big, the North Indians were attracted by slim lasses with flowing hair. Thus, the plump and well endowed sirens down south with blossoming bosoms and the steamy, slim North Indian Item Girls ruled the roost during this time, seducing anyone and anything that came in their way.

70-90 Years

By now, the nation had got used to movies showcasing skimpily clad women. They began reverting to the ‘Indian Genre’ – movies that attack the heart more than the brain. They were violent tear catalysts and emo-bombs targeting the gullible Indian viewer. There were times when there used to be more glycerin than makeup on a heroine’s face. This was also the time of regional partition of Indian Cinema and the great North-South Tamasha (Comedy).

While the Northies weren’t fans of moustaches, pot bellies, jasmine flowers and the traditional south Indian Carnatic music that composers so frequently injected into movies, Southies weren’t very fond of the clean shaven faces, fair skinned heroines, and the Qawwalis of the north either. Filmmakers started targeting states, and not Indians, to make movies. This divide would take some time to bridge. By now, the mass had started to get bored of their stars proposing on their knees, running behind trees, screaming punch lines and beating the crap out of the villains’ henchmen.

90-100 Years

The twenty-first century ushered in a wave of change as stereotypes began to break. The heroines assumed the roles of Item Girls too, as waxed skin, long and tapering legs, bikinis, prosthetics and liplocks became the order of the day. Six-packs and ravenous curves became commonplace, thanks to the gyms and plastic surgeons. Exponential advancements in technology made it possible for mastermind directors to create films that would do the country proud. In addition to running around trees, the Barbie dolls started carrying guns and using supercomputers.

If the yesteryear dialogues could be heard a mile away from the theatres, people now had to strain to catch the dialogues. If the black and white villains sported unkempt beards and beer bottles, with a hooker by their side, the twenty-first century villains were handsome, sleek and professional, sometimes even outshining the hero! The line that separated the North and the south, finally blurred. This was the era of remakes and adaptations. Films became more real and believable. Indian Cinema had arrived.

From speechless films in 1912 to films that make us speechless in 2012, Indian Cinema has come a long way. Happy Birthday to you!


Attractive, Computers, Fights, Film, Guns, Hero, Heroine, Movie, Music, Sexy, Stars

Meet the author

author avatar Rocket Raja
A teenager with a wandering mind, restless fingers and loads of time. Hoping to do a good job.

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author avatar Anahita
23rd Jun 2012 (#)

I think this might be your best work yet!! It was SUCH a pleasure to read, I was almost dreading the end! Keep it up, this was BRILLIANT!

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author avatar Rocket Raja
23rd Jun 2012 (#)

Thanks a lot Ana! Earnest comments always lift a writer's spirits! :)

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author avatar Mitra Varun
23rd Jun 2012 (#)

Really nice da :) Haven't read your other works yet ..Will do soon ;)

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author avatar Rocket Raja
23rd Jun 2012 (#)


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author avatar Mardava
24th Jun 2012 (#)

Nice one, Raj. I'd love an article from you on the engg entrance exams' fiasco. :-P

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author avatar Rocket Raja
24th Jun 2012 (#)

Coming up! :D

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