6 things no one ever tells you about having a unique hairstyle

Suge By Suge, 28th Jan 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/3npywqwu/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Funny Stories

Adventures in trying new hairstyles. And how they sometimes backfire.

6 things no one ever tells you about having a unique hairstyle

So recently, like two years ago, I decided I wanted to try a new hairstyle. I had just lost my gramma and it’s our family custom to cut our hair when mourning. I figured that I was entering a new phase of my life and I wanted to show it with a new hairdo.

One morning, before heading out to the salon, I decided I wanted to get a Mohawk. I’d always wanted one and I think I could rock it pretty good. Well, there are a few cons to having such a cool hairstyle (and I did look pretty cool).

#6 SHAVE IT UP!

If you plan on having a Mohawk, maintenance to keep it look rad is going to be constant. One of the things I soon discovered was that when my hair wasn’t weighed down with heavy curls, when it was short and light, it grew in faster. That meant that twice a month or more, I had to go to the salon to get my head shaved.

This costs money, if you were unawares. Sure I get charged for a regular men’s haircut, but there are far more irritating things that paying ten bucks for a shave. Like the little hairs that don’t get swept away after the buzz cut.

They would irritate me to know end. One manage to get in my eye and stab my eyeball. I walked around with a bloodshot eye for the rest of the day, looking only half stoned. Most of them fell down my shirt and caused me to itch a lot. I looked like I had body lice or something.

Having a Mohawk was great, but I wish there were a better method of shaving where the small hairs don't try to ruin my life. After each shaving I’d rush home to shower away the small bits of hairs that were still clinging on to me.

It’s only a minor irritation… Until you couple it with…

#5 MY HEAD FEELS WEATHER

With a shaved head, winter seemed so much more unbearable. The good thing was that without my shit ton of curls, I could fit my head comfortably in any hat. But still, my head was constantly cold all throughout winter. It made me fear going outside.

On the other side of the weather spectrum, summers weren’t so bad. A nice cool breeze going through your head is kind of comforting.

But when you hit those triple digit days, which is rare in Washington state in the area I live in, you start to sweat. Okay, so, we never hit triple digit weather in the summer time, but we got up to the eighties and nineties and without all my hair to soak up the sweat, the sweat would just slide down my nearly completely bald head and onto my shirt.

And I sweat a lot in the summer. I have to constantly drink water so I don’t dehydrate. So imagine me, sitting there, sweating like I just ran a marathon, my shaved head glistening with sweat. It’s not a wonderful look really.

#4 CUTTING IT DOWN

I could never get my shit together when it came time to cut my hair. After getting the Mohawk, I ended up needing a shave one weekend, and needing the ‘hawk part of my do trimmed the next. The Mohawk part of my hair was past my ears and at first I was going for the Skrillex look, but that didn’t always work out the way I wanted it to. Because, I have ridiculously curly hair!

I’d straighten my hair most of the time, put some kind of lotion in it and then hair spray the fuck out of it to get it to stand up. But there would come a time when it could no longer stand up. The longer it got, the more it weighed, thanks to my thick hair. So I needed to keep it trimmed to a manageable length that would enable me to Mohawk it as well as straighten it and leave it down.

It was a pain in the ass. They charge more for women’s haircuts than they do men’s. I think it’s because they put a crap ton of styling products in it. Most of the time, I was under the impression that the lady’s doing my hair had never encountered a Mohawk before…

#3 SALON DAY

I’m not your typical girly girl. You are more akin to finding me in a comic book store than a spa. So when I got this hairstyle, I didn’t realize at all how much time I’d spend at the salon.

I hated it. There were all these ladies talking about the kardashians and other stuff that I had no idea about. They would sneer at me when I walked in and guffaw at my choice in hairstyle. Not to mention the ladies who cut and or shaved my head NEVER knew how to put up the Mohawk. SO MANY TIMES I would run straight home and shower, redo my hair and then run out. There were a few times I ended up giving tutorials to the salon ladies. Not that it matter, by the next time I came in, they’d already forgotten. Instead of telling them to Mohawk my fro, I’d just tell em to straighten it and leave the rest be.

It wasn’t always a bad thing, because there were ladies there who were enjoyable but every so often you got some pretentious prick who thought she was better than you because she was blond and having her roots touched up. Bravo for you.

Salon day for me ended up costing far more than I wanted it to. Salon day nearly broke my account. When I took a different job and ended up with a four dollar pay cut, I decided I was going to have to either grow my hair out or whore myself out on the corner to come up with enough money to get the proverbial hair “did.”

You’re probably asking yourself why it cost me such a fortune to get my hair done. Yes, let’s discuss that.

#2 BLEACH AND FANTASY COLORS

I learned something during my foray into new hair. Fantasy colors are any color you wouldn’t normally find on a human being naturally. Duh. Pink, purple, green blue, yellow and certain types of deep red were fantasy colors. Well, the day I walked in to get my Mohawk, I got my hair dyed completely black because I liked it like that.

And because I was feel frisky, I decided to get a streak of purple in my hair. I absolutely loved it.

Let me tell you a little something about fantasy colors. They are not permanent. They do not last very long. They wash out easily. A deep dark blue for me was faded into a softer, lighter blue in a few weeks. It still looked cool but I really liked the darker blue.

I went through a menagerie of colors that faded, my favorite was the blue though. I had green, and blue and purple. Red... But we'll discuss that later.

One of the things that sucked though was that they had to bleach the old color out to put in the new. This, if done by a professional, isn’t so bad. It made my scalp itch and I worried about all my hair falling out but by the end of it, I had a new color and I looked pretty amazing. But if I wanted the color to stay, then I had to go back to the salon and spend fifty or seventy dollars getting my hair colored again. That’s pretty expensive. Even for once a month.

Not to mention, too much bleach will make your hair pretty weak. Speaking of weak…

#1 CUT THE COSTS, DO YOUR OWN HAIR!

Unless you know what the fuck you’re doing, I do NOT recommend this! SERIOUSLY!
I walked into Sally’s Beauty Shop and decide to bleach my own hair. It’s relatively cheaper to buy my own bleach and hair color, plus it seemed as though there were more options of colors open to me. I was excited, to say the least.

I knew this was going to work. Then I would never have to go to a salon and pay those ridiculous prices ever again!

There is a reason you pay those ridiculous prices though. It’s because the hair stylists actually know what they’re doing, whereas I’m only guessing and hoping that it pans out.

For starters, I bleached my hair for too long. It had been green and I was determined to get all that green out. My hair went white pretty fast but the ends were still a bit green. So I left it in a bit longer.

Bad idea. I know that now.

Once that was over and done with, I grabbed some pink hair dye and some red hair dye and attempted to do half my head red and the other half pink. Kind of like a peppermint candy or something, minus the white. Well, the red and pink were SO CLOSELY SIMILAR that you couldn’t even tell there were two colors there. Not only that, thanks to the bleach, I had killed my curl.

For those of you who don’t know, I have MASSIVELY curly hair. Thanks to my home bleaching kit, I killed that curl dead! I also made the ends of my hair weak. They broke off easily. Suddenly, I was starting to regret what I’d done.

In addition to coloring my own hair, I decided to cut it as well. A few weeks after the coloring and bleaching fiasco, I decided to cut off some dead ends. Well, I over cut. I decided to try to give myself bangs as well and though everyone said I look pretty good, I thought I looked like shit. I was so embarrassed by my homemade fucked up hairstyle, I let it grow out some and then went to the salon to get it corrected.

At this point I had tried to dye it black to hide it but the black couldn’t hide everything. My head look like an oil slick, displaying colors of red, green and blue with a hint of pink. I eventually cut off the dead ends, dyed it a deeper black and that was that.

Hairstyles are surely an adventure. I no longer have the Mohawk, I decided to grow my hair out but I am missing it a lot. I look really cool and it was unique for me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll do it again when I get tired of attempting to grow out my curly mop.

Tags

Colored, Cut, Funny, Hair, Hairstyles, Interesting, Mohawk, Salon, Shaved, Shaves, Styled, Unique

Meet the author

author avatar Suge
I'm Suge. I've been writing since I was a teen. I've written everything from poetry to novels to scripts that I threw away to labels to shampoo bottles. Well, maybe not those last two.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
29th Jan 2014 (#)

For what it is worth I use to have blue hair, now I have none.

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