~Fly Assassins Report V~

WordWulf By WordWulf, 17th Feb 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/n-mux--a/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

~Assassination is a dirty business~Trick ‘em, trap ‘em, & kill ‘em~With doggy doo/poo trap bait dripping from my fists, I soon sought less messy and more effective techniques for dispatching the enemy~

~Fly Assassins Report V~

Mating Season

~Fly Assassins~“SWAT” Team~
~Flies bug us~We kill ‘em!~

Comrades-in arms,
What follows is a continuation of the Master Fly Assassins’ log, end of August 2010. I learned quite quickly that current methods were the same that have been employed the past hundred years. What you are about to read will enhance your technique as a fly assassin immediately. When I’m through with you, soldier, your worst problem will be methods to dispose of enemy corpses. Here’s the good news!

The only good fly is a dead fly! Igor & I have been suffering the 100+ degree heat every day in pursuit of the enemy – flies. They’re faster in the heat but less wary when mating. They are also more likely to be found in groups and killed two at a time enmasse while doing their nasty business. Professor Sluggo (that’s me) has developed many important & significant techniques for slaying these winged vermin.

The latest is the smack-down swatter shown in the photograph. A common 98 cent fly swatter is transformed into an awesome death-dealing smack-down tool with the application of layers of duct tape. Apply the tape in two or three layers (don’t be stingy), overlapping and working up toward and finally reinforcing the handle. This weapon stuns flies in rock & bark beds. A vigorous stomping of the area finishes the job. Igor isn’t excited about this technique because the bodies are mashed against the terrain, difficult to find & impossible to eat (though she does try).

Over and out!
P. Sluggo, F.A.E.

Next report: Health issues, how the fly swatter was invented.

Fly Facts:

Flies have a maximum flying speed of 5 miles per hour.

~Tom (WordWulf) Sterner~
~Fly Assassins I~~Fly Assassins II~
~Fly Assassins III~
~Fly Assassins IV~

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Comments

author avatar Denise O
23rd Feb 2011 (#)

Still cracks me up. If you need something fixed, just duct it.
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar WordWulf
23rd Feb 2011 (#)

Duct tape is the best!

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