Memo From Hades/Corporate Offices
Hades is in trouble. Its corporate image is in the dumps and needs help. Enter the new Corporate Image demons to put modern up-to-date PR principles to work bringing the image of Hades out of the pits.
- Update From Chairman Fumerole
- Our New Dictionary of Obscenity and Degradation...
- Our Suggestion Box...
Update From Chairman Fumerole
Work is going ahead on our Corporate Logo Design Program and we have sketches available for serious perusal and comment in Corporate Headquarters. Our antiquated signage is also being modernized and redone as fast as grants become available.
For the near future, we shall have handouts of our cultural enrichment efforts for our contacts in all communication outlets above ground. We expect much cooperation from our above-ground operatives in this effort, which I grant you is new to all of us. We must make this endeavor succeed and portray our efforts in a more favorable light.
We shall also no longer refer to those in our charge as "Toast"... "The damned"..."Inmates"...or, as is the rule, some charmingly obscene term. Instead, inline with our new Corporate Makeover, they will be hereafter be referred to as "CLIENTS." Of course,
any obscenities preceding "client" will be allowed.
Our New Dictionary of Obscenity and Degradation...
Just as an aside, we are planning to issue a new edition of our "Dictionary of Obscenity and Degradation" later this year and would appreciate any contributions of the latest obscenities making the rounds of the pits so it will be au courant.
In the works also is also a new, up-dated directory of Hades including all demons, fiends, devils and the jobs and pits to which they are assigned as well as as their cell numbers and websites. Where applicable their e-mail numbers are included along with a most hideous mugshot.
Our Suggestion Box...
Before I finish, let me say that this month's suggestion box was filled with the most vile, vituperative and obscene suggestions that I have ever seen. Those relating to the dubious parentage of management were particularly inventive!
I can only tell you how proud of all of you that I am.
Keep up the good work, you little bastards!
(Signed) J.R. ASHWORTH, Chairman of Public Relations, Hades.