Count Sneaky's BIRD NERD'S E-GUIDE, Vol,1...

Count Sneaky By Count Sneaky, 22nd Apr 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2es3rlfc/
Posted in Wikinut>Humour>Off Beat

Count Sneaky's E-Aviary is a Bird Watcher's E-handbook to remind them that the creatures they so avidly pursue have personalities too.

WHY WATCH BIRDS ?

There is something about birds that reminds us of our own human qualities.
They are just as varied in their qualities, abilities, and talents as we humans.
They are as limited as we when it comes to breaking out of their molds and limitations and flying free, and perhaps, that's why we love them so much.
After much research, here is an AVIARY for you to use when discussing them
with a true birder. They will be impressed by your depth of knowledge and
emotional involvement...if not change the subject to politics.
.

A BIRD NERD E-AVIARY...

THE BOBOLINK...
When he tries to swim...tends to sink.
THE BLUE BIRD
Leaves happiness...and an occasional turd.
THE BLUE JAY
Can squawk mightily...but has little to say.
THE CANARY
Is so cautious and wary...that it's scary.
THE CARDINAL
Knows that his brain ...is only marginal.
THE CATBIRD
Can purr... without being heard.
THE CEDAR WAXWING
Is beautiful...and a bit of a ding-a-ling.
THE COCKATOO
Has little respect for me...or you.
THE COOT
Is a very ungraceful...awkward galoot.
THE CROW
Always has his bags packed...ready to go.
THE DOVE
Is incapable of life...without his lady love.
THE DUCK
Is really a dumb...cluck!
THE EGRET
Will look back...but never express regret.
THE FLAMINGO
Has been known to master...the Calypso.
THE FLICKER
Is one fast, tree climbing bug picker.
THE GOOSE
Has morals thought to be...very loose.
THE HUMMINGBIRD
Can hover though it sounds...absurd.
THE HAWK
Can walk the walk and... talk the talk.
THE LOON
Is mistaken when it thinks it can croon.
THE MACAW
Thinks he is intelligent...because he can seesaw.
THE MAGPIE
Can be taught to sing..."Coming Thru The Rye."
THE MOCKING BIRD
Knows very many... swear words.
THE NIGHTINGALE
Cannot sing when it has...a hangnail.
THE NUTHATCH
Curiously...only the surface will scratch.
THE OWL
Sad to say...must learn to scowl.
THE ORIOLE
Among birds is considered... quite droll.
THE PARAKEET
Has a funny walk and... very small feet.
THE PEACOCK
Has a deathly fear... of having to defrock.
THE PHEASANT
Has life that is... short and pleasant.
THE PIGEON
Oddly is not related to... the Widgeon.
THE PLOVER
Spends most of his time... turning rocks over.
THE QUAIL
Cannot fly high enough... to leave a contrail
THE ROBIN
Is not known to...go bob-bob-bobbing along.
THE SAPSUCKER
Makes other birds want to... upchucker.
THE SANDPIPER
Is a shore bird who is... very hyper
THE SCARLET TANANGER
Does quite well without... a manager.
THE SKYLARK
Can only say one word...Hark!
THE SPARROW
Always walks... the straight and narrow.
THE STARLING
Leaves many bird lovers...snarling.
THE STORK
Can only stand on one leg...and go "Gwork!"
THE SWAN
Is very vain and likes to dress... in chiffon.
THE THRASHER
Is a notorious... party-crasher
THE VIREO
Will stand and watch any... DVD or video.
THE VULTURE
Typically, lacks even a trace... of culture.
THE WREN
Has never been known to... commit a sin.
THE WIDGEON
Has no brain...not even a smidgeon.
THE WOODPECKER
Has quite a reputation as... a home-wrecker.

WRITE YOUR OWN E-BIRD BIOS...

Not every bird has been included here. Birders will be quick to point out missing species and want to know why their favorite has not been included.
Well the answer is that I only have so much space and I couldn't find a good rhyme for birds like the Snipe!
If you can rhyme a few new ones...send them to me and I'll write another
E-Aviary. Bird nerds, UNITE!

Tags

Avian Atlas, Bird Bios, Birding Guide E-Aviary Guidebook

Meet the author

author avatar Count Sneaky
A retired art director, creative director, and blogger of "Count Sneaky's Journal" Will focus on humor writing.

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Comments

author avatar Delicia Powers
26th Apr 2012 (#)

I am a proud "bird nerd", thanks count you always leave me with a smile...

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author avatar Count Sneaky
2nd May 2012 (#)

Where would we birds be without someone to watch us? Sometimes, I see myself as a Double Creasted Blue Loupe Garoue Finch. Then I know I'm losing it. My best.

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